Quarter-Life Crisis

My mind and my girl Danielle's must be unconciously on the same wave length. As I sign on to write this, I see her latest post has the same exact title!!! So I guess I should start off by saying it must not just be me and I know someone else must know how badly the quarter-life crisis sucks no matter how similar or different our crises may be!!! So yeah mid-life crisis came pre-maturely and I am experiencing it now...does not love. Let me start by saying that I have many a wonderful thing in my life and I by no means am in crisis in all aspects of my life, merely a few or maybe it's just the one that just has a big impact. The main culprit happens to be my career/job/education, whichever way you fancy to put it, situation. I have wants, desires, things I wish I had, but can't for monetary reasons. I want bragging rights for a career I should love, but have never had a chance to. I am just not where I dreamed I would be. I know, I know, who is right? But I always thought there was nothing in the world that could keep me from having all that I dreamed. So I know I have said it before and forgive me for whining cause I am going to anyway, but I really was naive in my high school into college transition days. I really felt the sky was the limit and I was literally in my "hey day" when I was in college. I felt accomplished, I felt possibilities, I felt confident...and then I graduated and things kind of went downhill from there. I loved college and always thought since my future career was always so important to me that I would feel the same then. Only took me 6 months to find a job (actually not sure how long or short of a time finding a job that was in 2007-2008) and I thought it was a pretty good one at the time. Then I kind of got peeved that I was pushing paper, working at a job that did not even require my degree, and working for literally the Wicked Bitch of the West. Rather easily got into my second "real" job and really found out what a brick wall I had hit. I beat out a lot of people to get the job and again felt very accomplished before over time I realized despite some of the perks (4-10's, hours I liked) it would take much more than the 2 years I had already invested to get any kind of seniority and that I am completely, totally, and utterly OVER working holidays!!! Again, I HEART my holidays!!! I am very sentimental this way and cherish every second you get to spend celebrating and being with family, friends or whoever it is that means most to you. So I slowly realized my dilemma and the crucial moments in my past that brought me to this stage. My whole life (and I mean pretty much the whole thing...started back in first grade!!) I have just had a thing for teaching. Always copied my teachers at home playing make believe, enjoyed helping others, have been told by teachers I should teach and I just enjoy teaching/training others in general. Not to be conceited or toot my own horn, but I am awesome at it!!! So I am having trouble lately understanding what in my head made me decide when I entered college to claim I was undecided...I wasn't. I knew, but I guess deep down I was dillusional enough to think that I could find something that would make me a bunch of money (yeah, I thought that) and that I would find something I would enjoy and get more respect for. So I committed the cardinal sin of ignoring what my heart said and here I am. I have identified my problem and it is simply this...I am not currently where I belong. I chose a degree and successfully completed it in criminal justice. Love the material, but even I knew as graduation time approached that there was no place for me in it annnnddd I was right. So here's the low down: teaching is in my heart and is my true talent, journalism came easily to me, but bored me, criminal justice was interesting, but is not my niche...looks like I got some 'splaining to myself  to do. So now that I have completely disected my problem and have it in pieces on the floor...what the hell now? How do I fix this? I need all the tape and glue in the world with a side of Captain Morgan. I have some tough decisions to make. Stick things out and be miserable? Move on in my same career field to what would most likely also be unsatisfying and/or miserable?Or start all over and go back to school? Ugh :( this is not easy. I know life is what you make it and oh I'm sure all of those positive thinking guru's are shaking their finger at me right now, but sometimes things aren't gonna make ya happy no matter how you shake it and I've shaken it to death. So that's me on the couch...I know, I'm full of deep down dirty drama aren't I?!? ;)

No Bueno

So as some of you may recall, I wrote a pretty serious blog about the "evil bitch syndrome" a little while back...well, unfortunately last night I saw someone close to me exhibiting some of its behavior and had to call them out on it. Hated to have to do it, but glad that they now know that this behavior is not ok around me and hopefully since they are young, will not be doing this again. I was disgusted to see a group of 12 year olds gaining up on each other and calling each other, "fake, bitch, slut" without even blinking an eye. I mean this reminded me of high school and this was 6th grade. For real? This is what 6th grade is like these days?!? I watched in my now very fancy and up to date news feed on the side of my screen as the insults towards another girl just kept coming. Anyone and everyone who they were friends with could just see every nasty post...the sad part is that the girls are friends on Facebook, the fight was over a boy that none of the said girls were even dating, they were attempting to "stick up" for another friend, and were basically tag teaming and harassing her on Facebook. Shakes my head...I didn't write an entire paper about bullying because I don't care about it...it makes me FURIOUS!!! So couldn't keep my mouth shut. When you have someone who looks up to you and a situation comes up to show them the right thing, I feel it necessary to do it. It saddens me that at their age they are already acting like this. Shouldn't they be playing on the playground instead of texting this bullshit non-stop? Shouldn't there be boys and "who's going out with who" but not "I'm in love with him and bitch I'll kill you if you touch my man?" And more importantly, WHY ARE THESE KIDS EVEN ON FACEBOOK?!? If ya gotta lie about your age to get an account, you ain't supposed to be on it!!! So what did I do about it? I first shared the quote, "Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary? If not, then let it be left unsaid." This stuff they were fighting about may have been true, but it sure as hell wasn't kind and was not necessary seeing as the boy was none of their boyfriends and the rule is, if you can't clear all 3 questions, it doesn't get said. I then expressed my disappointment and stressed the importance of being the girl who makes the difference and stands apart by being big enough to not engage in this behavior. It's more powerful to have friends than enemies and this was not the way to make a name for yourself. Best bet I'm gonna step in when need be and this shit won't be happening on my watch!!!

Correct Me If I'm Wrong...

So I have to ask...am I the only one who was completely shocked and disillusioned by the lack of possibilities my hard-earned education has gotten me?!? I clearly recall everyone telling me that having a degree was the only key to making it in this world and frankly I feel like I haven't gotten squat. Don't get me wrong, I loved college and I loved learning and would love to go back, but for what? My personal enjoyment? That's a nice thought, but hell no, not for thousands more dollars I'm not!!! Granted everyone says, "well, it gives you more job/career opportunities than someone who does not have a degree"...sure, I've seen that on an application or 2. But I also have not had a single job in my life that has required me to have a degree...nope don't even need a college degree to answer 911 calls...I also see that my fancy ass bachelor's degree isn't enough to ever make me the money I was hoping I'd make...anytime I look at jobs I could move up into even when I have the experience, I am now required to have a master's degree and so continues a vicious cycle. All that matters is that the schools are making money, doesn't matter that there won't be any jobs for your degree to be used in afterwards. I can't tell you how many times I was told by professors in college, "doesn't matter what you get it in as long as you have the piece of paper." Well, it mattered to me and I was pissed when I found out they were right. I have one paper and now they just want more paper. I wanted to go back for a master's, but I am HORRIBLE at standardized tests. Graduated as an undergrad with an overall 3.5 GPA with honors and because I was average on the GRE they ask me to pay another $140 to take it again so I can prove to them that I can function as a graduate student...OK so correct me if I'm wrong, but I can get straight A's in college, but one stupid test negates all of that and tells them I can't pass in grad school?!? Well, fuck you very much, save my seat for someone who agrees with your bullshit. But I digress. So after paying for the last 4 years on my student loans, I still owe about half as much as I make in a year...this will take FORRREEEEVVVEERRRRRR (said Sandlot Squints style) for me to pay off...I would love to go back for a master's, but shit I'd go to my grave still paying that shit off!!! If education is so goddamn important then why make it so difficult to obtain?!? And why should your reward be so fruitless? Why should we pay all of that money to get a job that will never pay you enough to pay it off?!? Between my mortgage and my loans I can't even buy a new car...everyone asks when we're going to have children and my answer is, "if I can't buy a new car, I can't afford children." True story. Again, maybe I am just that naive about things in this world, but I grew up believing that education was the key to success and I truly value education, but then I think it should be worth all of the effort I put into it and should afford me a job that will repay me for it. I did my part now it's your turn...So far I have been sadly disappointed. There's an awful lot of people out there working their asses off for "unlimited possibilities" only to be hit hard with reality's brick as I was...

Smile everyone!!! ;)