You SUCK at Life and are therefore FIRED!!!

Hope you all are ready cause this shit's about to get real!!! It ain't no big secret that I am not at all amused by assholes...nope not one iota, not in the slightest, not a smidgen and not even a itsy bitsy teenie weenie (yellow polka dot bikini) mother-effin' bit!!! I am no saint, I have had my moments and I will continue to have a moment here and there, but the point in life is to be conscious of times your inner asshole shines it's shitty head and then recognize it and put a stop to it. Next time you feel an asshole moment coming on, suppress it and be a decent human being and don't do it anymore. It's that simple. Seriously, this world would be a much better place if people could figure this the fuck out, but NOOOOO some people are scum enough to find joy in being an asshole and I am sick of being subjected to it!!!! Oh some will say, "this is life, that's just how some people are." Ummm how about no and you are no longer allowed to be an asshole in my life for free...I'm forming the asshole police and you've got some hard time ahead of you!!! What makes these people think they have the right to be like this to other people?!?! I for one know I feel like shit after I say or do something even remotely shitty to someone. Do they have no conscience?!? Cause if not then they are free to go straight to hell now, do not pass GO and do not collect $200!! These people are why this world is going to shit, because people have no regard for how their words and actions affect other people. And what's worse, these people do this with literally no shame. They say and do these things with a fake smile on their faces like people like me can't see through their slime. Well, guess what?!?! I see you and I don't play games with people like you and if I weren't forced to be in your presence, trust me I wouldn't be. I've been mistaken for being soft-spoken, but don't be fool enough to think that. You're one lucky SOB if you never hear how hard my words can be, so I'd tread lightly if you'd like to stay in the clear. It's unfortunate that I have to keep my thoughts to myself and have to be uncomfortable because I know if I say nothing, I have to deal with your shit and if I say something I have to also have that tension over my head. How about you just stop being a shit and not put me in this position?!? There is nothing more shitty than putting people in an unnecessary position like this because your issues are too great than to just GROW THE FUCK UP!!! It's all good though because Lindsay has a plan...soon I shall be in a position where I can watch you eat your words and leave you behind to sit in your own bullshit. You're right, we've never been "friends" because I, let me repeat, I chose not to be. You tried and you failed because I don't associate myself with people like you. I have always and will always choose to be on my own than to lower myself to the standards of people of your caliber. It's no loss to me because you are in no way a gain to my life and I see right through you, kinda like you're bathin' in Windex. I don't do fake so I'm sorry that your pathetic feelers are hurt because I wanted nothing to do with you. I'm ok with being thought of as a bitch because I realize that I'd rather stand alone than be surrounded by fake people...I've worn that label proudly all my life, you're just not used to having your ego hurt. But go ahead, waste more of mine, your's and everyone's lives around you with drama...such a sad, sad existence and I do not pity you for you have brought it upon yourself. So here is your severance because people like you are fired from life and shouldn't be allowed to socialize and further spread your kind of epidemic: grow up or choose to wallow in your own shit for life. Weigh that in your head for a second or not, your choice, just leave me the fuck out of it.

Cheers

I have to say I have never been one to do the whole New Year's resolution thing. To me, New Year's resolutions are kind of like Valentine's Day, an excuse to do something on one day that you should be capable of doing anytime. I can express my love not just on February 14th, but all year long. I can make changes anyday, not just because it's a new year. This year however, I am finding the upcoming new year a perfect excuse to give myself the slap in the face of a big change. Just happens to be good timing and yes, I said I needed a slap in the face and I mean that, but don't get too excited friends because it's one that needs to be self-administered. Have you ever gotten into a funk that slowly grew on you without your even having realized that you had gotten to a place you never wanted nor thought you would ever be in?!? I woke up one day and have everyday since then wondering why I didn't notice what was happening at the time and then felt the panic of, "what the hell am I gonna do now to get un-funked?!?" So I have taken a little too long at this point to find the solution to un-funking myself so I suppose this year I am going to go against my own beliefs and make myself a New Year's resolution...or 2...or 10. I am tired of living in a "haze" of what could have been and being angry with the cruel reality of the world and myself for letting it get the best of me. No more!!! "If [s]he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!" Well, peeps I am bringing on the "upset" in my life and ignorning all "authority," but my own. I am going to totally disrupt all that I have found normal in my life for a long time. No more being afraid of the risks that could potentially be the key to my life. Next time someone tells me change is not "safe," I am going to remind them that safe got me in my current position and also that sometimes, safe is stupid. I want a remarkable life, not one where the marks have gotten me nowhere. Need to pull out my inner Tawanda so to speak and pull myself up by my bootstraps. And please, feel free to join me if you and I are sailing in the same boat. So, yeah cheers to me bitches ;)

The Way I See It

The Way I See It:

You either embrace the hand you are dealt...or you become the dealer.

You put on your war make-up...or you put on your clown face.

You take a stand...or you get stood up.

You make the first move...or people move on, on you.

You make a name for yourself...or people label you.

You can be the joke...or the punchline.

You can love...or hate.

You can be the bigger person...or be shown how little you are.

You can turn dreams into reality...or forever live in the clouds.

You "either die a hero...or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

You can give and receive...or you take.

You can accept and be accepted...or you can reject and expect the same.

You can roll over...or you can dive roll with a purpose.

You can show compassion...or pretend to be blind.

You can follow blindly in the dark... or be the guiding light.

You can be YOU...or you can be who you are rumored to be or who they want you to be.

Every day is a choice...I am realizing the importance of making MY choice rather than letting the world and other people tell me which choice to make. Your life is what you make it...are you as sick of being told what your life should be by other people as I am?!?

25 Things You Don't Know About Me

1. I used to go snipe hunting while camping when I was younger...here snipey, snipey, snipey :)

2. My first CD was Elvis' greatest hits.

3. I am a Colorado native and have lived here all my life, but have yet to ski or snowboard.

4. I love music, but am not a huge fan of going to concerts.

5. Horses have always been my favorite animal.

6. I never really got into playing with Barbies or dolls when I was little. I preferred cars and dinosaurs.

7. I have never had the real flu or the chicken pox.

8. I am famous in my family for 5 words I said when I was about 3 years old. "That damn Grunch (meaning Grinch) stole Christmas." Said in response to the Christmas presents having been moved from under the tree so the adults could make room to play poker.

9. I despise grocery shopping and clothes hangers. I think grocery stores should have traffic lanes and that hangers should not constantly get stuck to each or let my clothes slide off and onto the floor.

10. I used to watch the Turner Classic Movie channel all the time with my grandma when I was little. Loved the old black and white classics!

11. I am never without chapstick. Drives me crazy not to have any on. Love my Burt's Bees.

12. I find people who are repeatedly late, extremely rude. 'Tis a true pet peeve.

13. I do not enjoy doing hair, make-up, shopping, shoes or any of that girly stuff. It stresses me out!

14. I am not a picky eater, but I am picky about what I eat when. Pizza is awesome, but if I am in the mood for something else, pizza will not sound good to eat at all.

15. I am not a big fan of sweets.

16. It is a tradition for me to watch the original Halloween on Halloween and to watch the Santa Clause and the Jim Carrey How the Grinch Stole Christmas for the holidays.

17. I loved being a college student.

18. I am German, Irish, French and Cherokee Indian.

19. I love family heirlooms that get passed down from generation to generation. It's cool to know that you can physically touch or see something that a past family member kept and that it is some small part of history.

20. Mariah Carey was my favorite singer growing up.

21. I am mildly agoraphobic or socially phobic. Definiton: abnormal fear of being helpless in an embarrassing or unescapable situation that is characterized especially by the avoidance of open or public places.
Social phobia is a persistent and irrational fear of situations that may involve scrutiny or judgment by others, such as parties and other social events. Let me clarify though, it is not something that prevents me from doing anything or that you will ever notice, simply makes me anxious to think that I have to deal with it. Like going shopping at a busy time of day...I hate the crowds and I hate driving in it, but that doesn't mean I won't go. Just a random thing I guess!

22. Teal is my favorite color.

23. I love photographs. I want them all over my house like my great-grandma Kirby does, but Travis won't let me :( lol. I love looking at how life was in the past and what people looked like and would hope that my future generations would look back and marvel at the time I grew up in.

24. I am not a dark person, but I absolutely LOVE Tim Burton's works...but you all probably did know that one :)

25. I have always loved to read and write. I used to write stories with a best friend in elementary school that we would write on the big lined paper and staple into a piece of construction paper. We would take turns writing and illustrating our stories, mostly about hero horses , lol. I also wrote a story once about a pair of mice that got sick of being caught in mouse traps and devised a plan to make "people traps" so that we'd know how it felt. My 2nd grade teacher was so impressed, she sent me to the principal to read it for her. I then went on to write for my high school and college newspapers. And reading, well get me into a good book and I could spend all day locked up reading and finishing it!

Letting Go

Has anyone ever tried to forgive and forget?!? Are things ever really that easy? I've done it before and in some instances it has been easy to do one or the other and other times not so much. I think the key to letting go, moving on, and growing above something is realizing what you need to do about it. I have found that I am more than capable of pin-pointing how someone or something has wronged me, but it has taken me a long time to realize that I am not always going to have the wrong, righted for me. It should be righted, but that doesn't mean it will be. In the last couple years of my life I have slowly began to realize this. Call me a "late bloomer" in figuring this out, but I am a believer in the NEED for justice, but that does not always mean it is gotten when rightfully owed. I have often been so caught up in how shitty it was that someone wronged me or that I found myself in a situation that did not make me so happy, that I ignored the fact that despite my upset, nothing and no one was doing anything to fix it. So as you can imagine, while waiting on these people, not a damn thing got fixed. I suppose I could be old and gray and bitter and probably dead before I will ever get some things in this world the way I want them. It makes me sound so naive I guess you could say that I feel owed some things in this life, but there are some situations where I feel it is safe to say that I did deserve things and they were sometimes denied to me. I have not always liked the hand I have been dealt and it drives me crazy that you can be so "at someone else's mercy" sometimes. I am also disappointed in the fact that life is just not fair. But I now realize that the only person who can make things better for me in situations like this, is me. I have to realize there are simply some things I cannot change and I can either move on from them or let them sink me like a rock. And I'm not completely clueless and stupid like this all may sound. I am talking about things like having a dad that never was a dad. One who was too caught up in his own drama, issues and just plain immaturity to be there for me...I do not think it is an unreasonable request to think that I DESERVE and should have a dad who acts like one, who had any hand in raising me or contributed to me at all financially. But hence the statement that some people shouldn't have children. He had one, but didn't want to be the parent so unfortunately the only one who suffers is me and my mom used to when she had to pick up his slack. There have been times where friends have let me down, and I could forever hate them for it, but then I would be friendless. I have just come to learn what level to have with someone in a friendship and then there are no issues. There have been times when I have been looked over for things I clearly worked hard for and deserved simply because I wasn't a kiss ass or didn't have connections. I mean, how is that right? But it has happened regardless...I have spent a lot of my time being angry about what I should have or what someone should have done for me, but it's gotten me nowhere, but angry. I have begun and will continue to have to realize from now on that I can only accept this is how things are and move on from them, even if they are things I cannot necessarily leave behind completely. I have had to accept that my dad will never be the person in my life who I view as my dad. and that I will probably never know where he is and how he is doing and that he will always call me only when HE wants something and never think to ask about me. I will never get what I expect from people so I need to take what they can give and be happy to have their friendship. I will never get back situations in my life where someone who was less deserving got something that I deserved. I can only take solace in knowing that it is their loss. "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." -Buddha

Cruel, Cruel High School World

If you do or don't end up liking this blog, you can blame the current book I am reading because it is the inspiration behind my thinking this morning. The book is a New York Times Bestseller called "Thirteen Reasons." by Jay Asher. In a nut shell, the book is about a high school girl who ends up committing suicide due to circumstances that arise with people she goes to high school with. Throughout the book she is never alive, but she reaches out to the 13 people she blames for driving her to kill herself by recording what they did to her and sending the tapes to them to listen to. I know, pretty dark huh? I saw this book as a truth, not because I know any high school kids that have committed suicide or that the amount of drama she goes through in the book to decide to commit suicide is the same as what most kids typically go through...but because I think it is an accurate depiction of how another person's words or actions can affect you so deeply especially at this age and environment in your life. I personally did not have a particularly cruel high school experience, but I would NEVER repeat it. Besides the diploma and maybe a few true friends I made and of course my high school sweetheart who is now the love of my life, the whole thing was one big pile of BS. We are all at such a "need for belonging or need for acceptance" stage at this age in life. More than ever before, it matters how you dress, what you drive, if you're funny, boring, smart, who you are seen with, who you date, what activities you're in and the big one...whether you party or not. Even if these things did not completely rule you in high school, they did affect you to some degree. For me, it was mostly because I did not care to be a part of any of it. Here is a HUGE secret to understanding me so pay close attention. I am my own person and I am not afraid to STAND ALONE. If I don't like something, I don't do it. If I don't like you, I won't pretend to. If what you're doing is wrong, I won't participate. If it's cruel and not remotely funny, you won't get a courtesy laugh. And I will always fight for the underdog with the heart of gold over the bully with the big guns. With that said, I have 3 major examples I would like to share about my experience with the kinds of things played out in the book. 1. I have never and will never kiss ass...ever. If that's what you require to keep people around you, then you shall never see me there. I give credit, attention, friendship and respect to whom it is due. I do not give it to people because they think they should have it, because they are "popular," because you are my boss, coach, teacher, etc. You will get these things from me when you earn them because your "name" means nothing to me. Which brings me to my first and best example of this in high school. The day I turned down big bad *bleep* Name omitted to prevent further gossip (I am sure anyone who had to deal with this bitch can figure out who she might be real quick). She thought she was miss high and mighty because she hung out with senior boys...so fucking what? Ok, so she thought that made her God. So thinking that everyone would die to be her friend and could never deny her, she invited me to a club (I wasn't even old enough to get in them at the time) simply because I was dating one of "her" senior boys. So when she asked, since I had never spoken to the girl in my life, I asked her "how come?" Why are you inviting me, I don't know you....ahhh but I do know what you're doing...so from then on she hated me. Hated one of my best friends too for the same reason...dating one of "her" boys and we had the gall to stand up to her. Unfortunately, this girl did not know that I did not care to be on her good side or on her followers list...as she proceeded to throw things at both me and my friend simply because we walked by (because her life was so sad she felt the need to do this with her time). How sad for her that her life was this empty and petty that it was spent running around harassing people who CLEARLY did not give two shits about her. We were perfectly fine not being friends with her, but man could she just not stand that. So to a lesser woman than me who did care about such things, do you have any idea how awful they might have felt at school with someone who could treat them that way?!? To have someone you don't even know talking about you and throwing things at you because you didn't kiss their ass?!? Absolutely mind blowing to me!!!  Naturally though now when I have seen her in the REAL world outside of high school, she hasn't even had the balls to look at me...yep. ::Shakes my head:: And stick with me here, I know it's long but it's a good read, I promise :)  2. You aren't worth fighting with to me. I am the kind of girl that if things go to blows, they will be done with my words. You'll get it all laid out on the table from me and then we're done. I'm not gonna fight you and I'm gonna leave you swingin' at nothing. This same boy from the previous girl (wow, he was sure some trouble wasn't he?!?)  had an ex girlfriend. She was crazy psychotic, stalker, harasser chick. Man if I knew then what I know now working for the PD, her ass would have had harassment charges filed against her!!! As soon as I start dating this boy (and let me clarify I was a sophomore cheerleader, he was a senior football player) she was all over my ass. She would try to come up and talk to my friends that she knew so she could stand 2 feet from me and glare at me, she wrote notes to him claiming they were from me stating that I was seeing someone new so that he'd find it and be upset or break up with me, she called my house, she had someone call my mother and tell her they were the school counselor and said that there were "reports" of me going to parties and getting drunk and dancing on tables...BA HA HA HA. My mom played the message for me and I started laughing, I'd never even been to a party before!! She told other girls that I liked their boyfriend so they'd hate me. Psycho bitch for sure. On top of all of this she was preggo in high school (not from the boy I was dating) and after she graduated and the baby was born she proceeded to allow a drunk friend drive her and the baby in the car...well, he wrecked and they were both killed. Baby survived, thank goodness. Bitch drove me nuts, which again I was strong enough to handle, but shit had I been more of a bitch myself back then I would have done more to stop her. Ha, I should have used my newspaper status to write a between the lines story about high school shit like that...hindsight. And for my last story, not as dramatic, but still counts. 3. And go figure, it again involves the same said boy, which only adds to my belief that just because you're "popular" doesn't mean you're worth all of the drama you bring. Heard through the grapevine that someone (and this was someone I knew and had no issues with at the time) was saying that it was perfect that I was with this boy because we quote "both had the biggest heads in the school." I can say for certain that anyone who thought this of me was one of the ones like the first bitch who was upset I didn't kiss her ass...I was stuck up because I was not grovelling at their feet....and I was by the way proud of it! So stuck up was I, cool. She however, actually was one of these truly stuck up people. She thought she was the most beautiful thing ever to grace that school because she was a different nationality and had long legs like a model. But again, she and I never had issues so what would cause her to say something like this out of the blue? My guess is that it was because she liked said boy or if not, just that he didn't like her...and I guess if going by rumors is the thing to do, I heard she slept with like 30 people at that time sooooo I guess it may have hurt her numbers that he wasn't a notch on the belt?!? Whatever. Someone else has something you want and ya gotta talk shit. Fantabulous. So what is the moral of this story?!? Well, in the book she explains how things spiraled out of control beginning with one rumor. Something everyone believed that was not true and after some time of being beaten up and treated like shit due to this incorrect piece of information other things happened when she was already in a state to be seriously damaged by it and she inevitably ended up ending her life. Ultimately, you don't always know what the truth is. And you don't always know what someone is thinking or feeling. When stupid shit like this happened to me I was a strong enough person to say "fuck you" and think nothing of them, but this wasn't the case for everyone. Some people were truly hurt by things like this. What if someone killed themselves and sent you a tape saying what you did to be part of it?!? You couldn't live with yourself because you had no idea the impact you were having on someone's life and it would be too late. Again, hindsight and pray you don't have to use it. If nothing else in this world I am sensitive...sensitive to other people's feelings. You all may see me as cold sometimes, but one thing I can tell you for sure is...I am ALWAYS conscious of what I say or do and the effect it can have on someone else. Why? Because I am very sensitive to the way I feel when people are not conscious of the effect they will have on me when they say or do things. "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." Truly words to live by. Think twice before making that nasty comment or being the shithead who treats someone badly for your own amusement. Someone could be close to their edge...

Redemption- To set free; rescue or ransom.

I'll keep this short and sweet. I think this last straw, unfortunate circumstance, card I've been dealt or literally shift...may have been a blessing in disguise. I think it finally pushed me into action mode and into the state of mind I need to be in to make things right for myself. I have been in a rut ( and as my previous blog described, quarter-life crisis) and I have been dying to crawl my way out. I think that being told that for the 3rd time I need to just "take and accept" what is being handed to me and that I may get it a 4th time, is not gonna work this time. It's a huge thing to spend 40 and possibly plus hours a week doing something you're not absolutely in love with. Think about the things you spend the most time with: your husband/wife/partner, children, family, pets, hobbies, sleep...does work even remotely compare to these things? For most people it does not, but why the hell shouldn't it?!? I have struggled recently with the LOGIC and the HEART of things...logic hasn't worked for me so well so far and I'm ready to unlock the heart's side of the story...Sure, it may not be smart to start over in this economy, go back to school, but ya know what? Being "smart" has made me miserable...I am ready to be proud. Proud of me, proud of what I do, and feel like I am "the queen of the world" once again. I should not feel NAIVE, RIDICULOUS, and IMMATURE about my dreams. All I am asking for is the chance to take the gifts that I have and to put them to use in a dual purpose...one that will not only make my life better, but anyone else's in this world. Cheers to MAKING SHIT COUNT!!!

Quarter-Life Crisis

My mind and my girl Danielle's must be unconciously on the same wave length. As I sign on to write this, I see her latest post has the same exact title!!! So I guess I should start off by saying it must not just be me and I know someone else must know how badly the quarter-life crisis sucks no matter how similar or different our crises may be!!! So yeah mid-life crisis came pre-maturely and I am experiencing it now...does not love. Let me start by saying that I have many a wonderful thing in my life and I by no means am in crisis in all aspects of my life, merely a few or maybe it's just the one that just has a big impact. The main culprit happens to be my career/job/education, whichever way you fancy to put it, situation. I have wants, desires, things I wish I had, but can't for monetary reasons. I want bragging rights for a career I should love, but have never had a chance to. I am just not where I dreamed I would be. I know, I know, who is right? But I always thought there was nothing in the world that could keep me from having all that I dreamed. So I know I have said it before and forgive me for whining cause I am going to anyway, but I really was naive in my high school into college transition days. I really felt the sky was the limit and I was literally in my "hey day" when I was in college. I felt accomplished, I felt possibilities, I felt confident...and then I graduated and things kind of went downhill from there. I loved college and always thought since my future career was always so important to me that I would feel the same then. Only took me 6 months to find a job (actually not sure how long or short of a time finding a job that was in 2007-2008) and I thought it was a pretty good one at the time. Then I kind of got peeved that I was pushing paper, working at a job that did not even require my degree, and working for literally the Wicked Bitch of the West. Rather easily got into my second "real" job and really found out what a brick wall I had hit. I beat out a lot of people to get the job and again felt very accomplished before over time I realized despite some of the perks (4-10's, hours I liked) it would take much more than the 2 years I had already invested to get any kind of seniority and that I am completely, totally, and utterly OVER working holidays!!! Again, I HEART my holidays!!! I am very sentimental this way and cherish every second you get to spend celebrating and being with family, friends or whoever it is that means most to you. So I slowly realized my dilemma and the crucial moments in my past that brought me to this stage. My whole life (and I mean pretty much the whole thing...started back in first grade!!) I have just had a thing for teaching. Always copied my teachers at home playing make believe, enjoyed helping others, have been told by teachers I should teach and I just enjoy teaching/training others in general. Not to be conceited or toot my own horn, but I am awesome at it!!! So I am having trouble lately understanding what in my head made me decide when I entered college to claim I was undecided...I wasn't. I knew, but I guess deep down I was dillusional enough to think that I could find something that would make me a bunch of money (yeah, I thought that) and that I would find something I would enjoy and get more respect for. So I committed the cardinal sin of ignoring what my heart said and here I am. I have identified my problem and it is simply this...I am not currently where I belong. I chose a degree and successfully completed it in criminal justice. Love the material, but even I knew as graduation time approached that there was no place for me in it annnnddd I was right. So here's the low down: teaching is in my heart and is my true talent, journalism came easily to me, but bored me, criminal justice was interesting, but is not my niche...looks like I got some 'splaining to myself  to do. So now that I have completely disected my problem and have it in pieces on the floor...what the hell now? How do I fix this? I need all the tape and glue in the world with a side of Captain Morgan. I have some tough decisions to make. Stick things out and be miserable? Move on in my same career field to what would most likely also be unsatisfying and/or miserable?Or start all over and go back to school? Ugh :( this is not easy. I know life is what you make it and oh I'm sure all of those positive thinking guru's are shaking their finger at me right now, but sometimes things aren't gonna make ya happy no matter how you shake it and I've shaken it to death. So that's me on the couch...I know, I'm full of deep down dirty drama aren't I?!? ;)

No Bueno

So as some of you may recall, I wrote a pretty serious blog about the "evil bitch syndrome" a little while back...well, unfortunately last night I saw someone close to me exhibiting some of its behavior and had to call them out on it. Hated to have to do it, but glad that they now know that this behavior is not ok around me and hopefully since they are young, will not be doing this again. I was disgusted to see a group of 12 year olds gaining up on each other and calling each other, "fake, bitch, slut" without even blinking an eye. I mean this reminded me of high school and this was 6th grade. For real? This is what 6th grade is like these days?!? I watched in my now very fancy and up to date news feed on the side of my screen as the insults towards another girl just kept coming. Anyone and everyone who they were friends with could just see every nasty post...the sad part is that the girls are friends on Facebook, the fight was over a boy that none of the said girls were even dating, they were attempting to "stick up" for another friend, and were basically tag teaming and harassing her on Facebook. Shakes my head...I didn't write an entire paper about bullying because I don't care about it...it makes me FURIOUS!!! So couldn't keep my mouth shut. When you have someone who looks up to you and a situation comes up to show them the right thing, I feel it necessary to do it. It saddens me that at their age they are already acting like this. Shouldn't they be playing on the playground instead of texting this bullshit non-stop? Shouldn't there be boys and "who's going out with who" but not "I'm in love with him and bitch I'll kill you if you touch my man?" And more importantly, WHY ARE THESE KIDS EVEN ON FACEBOOK?!? If ya gotta lie about your age to get an account, you ain't supposed to be on it!!! So what did I do about it? I first shared the quote, "Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary? If not, then let it be left unsaid." This stuff they were fighting about may have been true, but it sure as hell wasn't kind and was not necessary seeing as the boy was none of their boyfriends and the rule is, if you can't clear all 3 questions, it doesn't get said. I then expressed my disappointment and stressed the importance of being the girl who makes the difference and stands apart by being big enough to not engage in this behavior. It's more powerful to have friends than enemies and this was not the way to make a name for yourself. Best bet I'm gonna step in when need be and this shit won't be happening on my watch!!!

Correct Me If I'm Wrong...

So I have to ask...am I the only one who was completely shocked and disillusioned by the lack of possibilities my hard-earned education has gotten me?!? I clearly recall everyone telling me that having a degree was the only key to making it in this world and frankly I feel like I haven't gotten squat. Don't get me wrong, I loved college and I loved learning and would love to go back, but for what? My personal enjoyment? That's a nice thought, but hell no, not for thousands more dollars I'm not!!! Granted everyone says, "well, it gives you more job/career opportunities than someone who does not have a degree"...sure, I've seen that on an application or 2. But I also have not had a single job in my life that has required me to have a degree...nope don't even need a college degree to answer 911 calls...I also see that my fancy ass bachelor's degree isn't enough to ever make me the money I was hoping I'd make...anytime I look at jobs I could move up into even when I have the experience, I am now required to have a master's degree and so continues a vicious cycle. All that matters is that the schools are making money, doesn't matter that there won't be any jobs for your degree to be used in afterwards. I can't tell you how many times I was told by professors in college, "doesn't matter what you get it in as long as you have the piece of paper." Well, it mattered to me and I was pissed when I found out they were right. I have one paper and now they just want more paper. I wanted to go back for a master's, but I am HORRIBLE at standardized tests. Graduated as an undergrad with an overall 3.5 GPA with honors and because I was average on the GRE they ask me to pay another $140 to take it again so I can prove to them that I can function as a graduate student...OK so correct me if I'm wrong, but I can get straight A's in college, but one stupid test negates all of that and tells them I can't pass in grad school?!? Well, fuck you very much, save my seat for someone who agrees with your bullshit. But I digress. So after paying for the last 4 years on my student loans, I still owe about half as much as I make in a year...this will take FORRREEEEVVVEERRRRRR (said Sandlot Squints style) for me to pay off...I would love to go back for a master's, but shit I'd go to my grave still paying that shit off!!! If education is so goddamn important then why make it so difficult to obtain?!? And why should your reward be so fruitless? Why should we pay all of that money to get a job that will never pay you enough to pay it off?!? Between my mortgage and my loans I can't even buy a new car...everyone asks when we're going to have children and my answer is, "if I can't buy a new car, I can't afford children." True story. Again, maybe I am just that naive about things in this world, but I grew up believing that education was the key to success and I truly value education, but then I think it should be worth all of the effort I put into it and should afford me a job that will repay me for it. I did my part now it's your turn...So far I have been sadly disappointed. There's an awful lot of people out there working their asses off for "unlimited possibilities" only to be hit hard with reality's brick as I was...

Smile everyone!!! ;)

Things I Have Realized

Kindness is a such a powerful thing...and often is shown way too little

Music has such a powerful impact on my mood...It can get me in the mood to workout, make me remember, relieve some stress, and makes me feel like changing the world...more or less

I love to give...I love to do things that make others happy. I love to plan and I love to celebrate...I think you should use the approximate once a month, and hopefully more, opportunities to live it up

My boy is my best friend, the keeper of my secrets, and my favorite...and that's the way it should be

I am the only thing holding me back...and I am not quite sure why

My fear of having children comes from seeing the way most people raise theirs

I love to read...reading lets your mind go places you can't in the real world. I just don't seem to have time to do enough of it

I hate cleaning, yet I love to be clean...there is a quote that says "a clean house is a sign of a wasted life." I would love to not waste that time, but men, animals and the desire to not have people over to my house in a dirty condition usually force me into it

You can only do so much for others and it will not always be appreciated...don't set your expectations too high and understand that you'll be let down a time or two.
Forgive them this unless they never "let you up" and then by all means kick em to the curb

I love holidays...I believe they are a time to embrace memories and get a change-up from the norm. I believe you should over-decorate, over-celebrate and make a big deal out of every single one of them

If your childhood was not all that you wanted it to be or even if it was...make it a dream for your children. You know how much you wanted it or cherished it when you got older

Laughter cleanses the soul...it relieves stress and makes me feel about ten years younger every time...I am also realizing I am getting old enough to say things like that :|

Life may not be too short, but spending half of it working instead of playing sure makes it feel like it

I despise people who feel no shame in humiliating others...

My grandmother is a true gift...I owe her so much yet she is just that wonderful that she would never expect me to...I want to spend time learning more about who she is and what growing up for her was like

On that note...I really miss my grandpa and wish I would have taken the opportunity to do the same with him before he was gone...

Everyone deserves a second chance...ok, maybe not everyone, but life really isn't worth being spent on hating someone and if you can't give them a second chance then at least try to forgive and forget and move on...more than likely they really don't care how much you hate them anyway

No one should have to hide their honesty about something, but we often do for fear that it will not be appreciated

We often jump to the most awful of conclusions when it is anything but ...this is why good communication is KEY


We should never be afraid to let people love us...

I don't like being a grown up...let me rephrase: I am ok with being grown, I just don't like the majority of my grown up responsibilities

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return...and hopefully it's for who you are and not who someone wants you to be

I hate injustices...and I cannot for the life of me understand why no one fixes them. Am I really that naive? Or is everyone just that lazy?

I always thought I was a dog person until I had pets of my own...totally a cat person

Never wait to tell someone just how much you love them

When I am old, I want to look back and be impressed with myself...I also want to be "that mom" or "that grandma" that their families think was so cool in her day ;)

You may not understand someone and that is an ok thing, but never make someone feel small for your misunderstanding...ever. Everyone should be allowed to be themselves and if they understand themselves, that is no one's business, but their own. The stuff you think makes sense is just as vulnerable as the things you don't and you don't want to be on the other end of that stick

To add to that, "don't judge a man (or woman) until you've walked two moons in their moccasins." You think you have shit hard, try someone else's shit on for size

And lastly, you need to love yourself always...even if not all at once. Embrace the good in you, work on the not so good and always be the kind of person you would want to know...

Evil Bitch Syndrome

I don't know about you ladies, but I have been well aware of the evil that women possess for quite some time now. You notice it way before you even realize it, when you're young and you unconsciously start acting like it's survival of the fittest and every female needs to be chopped at the knees to protect...something or other. I think I really began to notice and want to understand more when I reached high school. My senior paper was about how much worse it is when females bully each other than when it happens between males. Dane Cook said it best, we are Brain Ninjas. Yet another unfortunate product of this society and how we are raised, women are bred to hate each other. This is a fact. Some of us fight it off better than others, but ultimately we all play this vicious game. Let me elaborate. Women constantly compete with each other...over EVERYTHING. You have to be more educated, prettier, skinnier, have a better job, a better boyfriend, a nicer car, a nicer house, get more catcalls or get hit on more, have more friends, be funnier...better, better, better. Even when you like the damn girl you gotta "one up" her. Hey, don't kill the messenger, I am just saying what's really going on inside. There is no such thing as altruism in the girl world. You never can just do something for another female and not expect something in return or go home and not talk shit about what a "dumb thing to do" or "good for her, but I'd never do that." I know you all are thinking, "Lindsay really does this?!? Wow, what a mean girl!" Yeahhhhh, no. We ALL do this!!! I know we do because I see it every damn day!!! Once you realize this is how females are, you notice it everywhere!!! We are masters of the fake smile while you're secretly calling her a bitch in your head. We expect too much. There is no such thing as a secret between girlfriends. If it's not told to another female, odds are her man/other half/boyfriend/boo/hubby/husband knows...so at least consider that. And you know if another girl pisses you off you will be immediately trying to find a way to get her back. Doesn't even have to be that bad, just next time she asks you for a small favor, "Hey, can you drive me to the airport?" You: "Oh, no sorry I have to work that day." and you ain't even workin'. Yeah, that kind of shit. I could go on for days about the complexity of a female friendship, but the truth is...you all know exactly what I'm talking about. Even if you don't play every game, you play or have played a game. Even if it's not something to break up a friendship, bust a girl's lip or they may have even known you did it, you've done it. The real question is: How do we stop it?!? If ever we needed a superhero, I have not seen the one who can fix this...So what can YOU do?!? I honestly do not have an answer. All I can say in my own personal experience is that it is a damn difficult thing to try to stop entirely...trust me I have tried. I am proud to say that I am "doing my part." But this stuff is so ingrained in our brains, you can't get it all out. It's like a reflex that just shoots up before you even have time to stop it, like turrets syndrome. I can also say that it's not always this bad with every friend. You can have friendships that are good and you can truly like a girl, you're just not going to be perfect and there will be times that you'll talk smack about the fight you just had when her back is turned...not even necessarily to talk smack, but just to vent. It happens. I personally have just come to realize, as many of you may have noticed, that I just don't hang out with girls like I used to. I don't have besties and girlfriends that I call and text constantly and tell all of my secrets to. Why?!? Because bitches have burned me too many times...I forgive ya, but the door isn't gonna hang open for it to happen again. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." And I don't like to shame myself...Even when I have done my darnedest and have gone out of my way to fight every single urge to do these things and be a genuine GOOD FRIEND, I have realized that I can only control myself. I can stop being "that bitch," but I can't make you or her or them stop. I can't guarantee I won't be talked about and laughed at and have my secrets told. I can't guarantee that I'm not being competed with and lied to or that you even like me. You can sure as shit bet though if I see you doing this to someone else, we aren't gonna be buds. I will expect nothing less from you in fact and although we may get along great, we won't be calling, texting, hanging out, sharing secrets, etc. This is the thing about me, I've never been afraid to "say no to bitches" and this usually gets me the label of being stuck up or a BITCH. But really I'm just smart enough to not get involved with these kind of people and if this pisses you off...FIGURE IT OUT!!! Learn to stop being a snatch, don't blame me for dodging your BS. So there ya go, I just stay away from girls. I will admit that I am not totally cured, but take solace my friends, I am at least working on it. I admit I have not always been the best friend, but the first step is to admit it...ADMITTED. And then next to make a change...CHANGING. So here I go. I know what the signs of Evil Bitch Syndrome are and I throw on the brakes and put it in reverse when I catch myself doing it, so I challenge any of you the next time you see signs or symptoms to do the same. You can distrust me now and say "I don't want to be friends with someone who does that," but again, we all do so you might end up completely friendless. Also, keep in mind that we don't always mean to be this way and that not all girls do this for PLEASURE!! Yes, some sick and demented girls like this BS and they enjoy this so just make sure you weed them out and kick 'em to the curb!!! Don't finish reading this and call all of your friends and say "YOU BITCH!!!" Cause you might need to make a call to yourself in that event. Mostly, just be aware of when you're doing it. If we all did our small part then we could make this world a better place for us all...we could create harmony and could find a way to WORLD PEACE...ha ha ha ok not that dramatic, but ya feel me?!?

Neverland

So as many of you know, or may not, I have a tattoo. It's an itty bitty one on my hip of 2 stars. They're not just your typical, "I got a cutesy tattoo" kind of stars. They are meaningful and unique stars. They are the Second Star to the Right. I will save you the google time and tell you that the Second Star to the Right and "straight on til morning" is how you find Neverland in Peter Pan. As your inner child may recall, Neverland is a place where you never have to grow up and can live forever young and have adventure after adventure. No, I do not have Peter Pan Syndrome and I am in no way shape or form talking about the kind of Neverland in Michael Jackson's world, but I do understand the significance of dreaming up such a place as James M. Barrie did and sharing it in a book for children. The whole point of this is, I hate being a grown up and I really wish that kids would stop trying so hard to become one. We all know that when we hit the teen age all we wanted was a car and to be taken seriously and be old enough to be on our own so our parents couldn't tell us what to do... that was all well and good until you got a car and were responsible for not wrecking it or had to get a job to help pay for some part of it. It was also fun until you got to college and you were responsible for getting your own butt to class and making sure your grades were good 'cause college didn't care to share this info with your parents anymore. It was fun to think you wanted to live on your own until you had to start paying bills and had to get a "real" job to support yourself...I don't know about you, but playing in my backyard with cars and dinosaurs (Barbies were not my thing) sounds like a hell of a lot more fun than worrying about any of that crap. So I wish I could go to Neverland...buttttt since I can't I have decided that I will do everything in my power to help instill the coolness of just being a kid. I know too many kids now that are 10, 11, 12 years old that are too alike a 16 year old. WHY?!? You have a year to be 16 and it is not when you are 12!! I say a 12 year old should enjoy being 12 and that this stupid damn society should stop making them feel like they should act older. I see kids this age doing things and saying things and knowing things that I knew NOTHING about back then. OMG if I listened to the music when I was 12 that I do now what a damn slut I would probably be...granted this is probably not true simply b/c I am a strong minded motha, but not all kids are that disciplined. Peer pressure is strong and even I wasn't able to resist everything. Kids are just blowing me away now though. Ahhhhhh!! I personally feel that we have made this world a somewhat horrible place to live. Think about it. We are just groomed to be GROWN UP. We go to school to grow up and WORK, we have to work to live, but unless you're extremely lucky or have incredible connections you'll never work where you want for the money you want just to spend years climbing a neverending ladder to finally MAYBE have money when you're old and wrinkly and your body is falling apart and you can't be fun anymore...whew, yeah why in the hell would I want to work my ass off when I am young to play when I am old?!? Hello, I want to have money and be fun when I am young and cute and have the energy to do so...might as well work when I am old and tired and will just be sitting there anyway. Can I get an AMEN?!?! I know you wanna. Moral of the story is that we have made this world so damn unbearable for ourselves, we keep making impossible requirements to get into college and find a job. We keep adding hours to our workdays and weekends to make life more accommodating for someone, my guess is simply for THE MAN. People say "that's life," but who said it had to be?!? Can life not be changed? I refuse to accept that I have to just deal because this is how the world works...it ain't workin' and it needs to be fixed!! I think I should be able to say that I can do something for fun, I should enjoy my job/career whatever. I hate obligations and I feel that my dreams should be attainable, but hell if there is not something roadblocking me everywhere I turn. I will not give up, but I would like to find this happiness sometime before I am ancient please and thank you. Until then I will just keep at it and will do everything in my ability to try and help reverse the premature aging process of young children. Being a kid is cool and I am not afraid to demonstrate! If you have children do me a favor and PLAY, PLAY, PLAY!!! Encourage kids to act their REAL age and take them on lots of "take your kids to work" days so they can see how much better being a kid really is. I hope that after reading this everyone is thinking of some way to find their own piece of Neverland :)