Letting Go

Has anyone ever tried to forgive and forget?!? Are things ever really that easy? I've done it before and in some instances it has been easy to do one or the other and other times not so much. I think the key to letting go, moving on, and growing above something is realizing what you need to do about it. I have found that I am more than capable of pin-pointing how someone or something has wronged me, but it has taken me a long time to realize that I am not always going to have the wrong, righted for me. It should be righted, but that doesn't mean it will be. In the last couple years of my life I have slowly began to realize this. Call me a "late bloomer" in figuring this out, but I am a believer in the NEED for justice, but that does not always mean it is gotten when rightfully owed. I have often been so caught up in how shitty it was that someone wronged me or that I found myself in a situation that did not make me so happy, that I ignored the fact that despite my upset, nothing and no one was doing anything to fix it. So as you can imagine, while waiting on these people, not a damn thing got fixed. I suppose I could be old and gray and bitter and probably dead before I will ever get some things in this world the way I want them. It makes me sound so naive I guess you could say that I feel owed some things in this life, but there are some situations where I feel it is safe to say that I did deserve things and they were sometimes denied to me. I have not always liked the hand I have been dealt and it drives me crazy that you can be so "at someone else's mercy" sometimes. I am also disappointed in the fact that life is just not fair. But I now realize that the only person who can make things better for me in situations like this, is me. I have to realize there are simply some things I cannot change and I can either move on from them or let them sink me like a rock. And I'm not completely clueless and stupid like this all may sound. I am talking about things like having a dad that never was a dad. One who was too caught up in his own drama, issues and just plain immaturity to be there for me...I do not think it is an unreasonable request to think that I DESERVE and should have a dad who acts like one, who had any hand in raising me or contributed to me at all financially. But hence the statement that some people shouldn't have children. He had one, but didn't want to be the parent so unfortunately the only one who suffers is me and my mom used to when she had to pick up his slack. There have been times where friends have let me down, and I could forever hate them for it, but then I would be friendless. I have just come to learn what level to have with someone in a friendship and then there are no issues. There have been times when I have been looked over for things I clearly worked hard for and deserved simply because I wasn't a kiss ass or didn't have connections. I mean, how is that right? But it has happened regardless...I have spent a lot of my time being angry about what I should have or what someone should have done for me, but it's gotten me nowhere, but angry. I have begun and will continue to have to realize from now on that I can only accept this is how things are and move on from them, even if they are things I cannot necessarily leave behind completely. I have had to accept that my dad will never be the person in my life who I view as my dad. and that I will probably never know where he is and how he is doing and that he will always call me only when HE wants something and never think to ask about me. I will never get what I expect from people so I need to take what they can give and be happy to have their friendship. I will never get back situations in my life where someone who was less deserving got something that I deserved. I can only take solace in knowing that it is their loss. "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." -Buddha