Cruel, Cruel High School World

If you do or don't end up liking this blog, you can blame the current book I am reading because it is the inspiration behind my thinking this morning. The book is a New York Times Bestseller called "Thirteen Reasons." by Jay Asher. In a nut shell, the book is about a high school girl who ends up committing suicide due to circumstances that arise with people she goes to high school with. Throughout the book she is never alive, but she reaches out to the 13 people she blames for driving her to kill herself by recording what they did to her and sending the tapes to them to listen to. I know, pretty dark huh? I saw this book as a truth, not because I know any high school kids that have committed suicide or that the amount of drama she goes through in the book to decide to commit suicide is the same as what most kids typically go through...but because I think it is an accurate depiction of how another person's words or actions can affect you so deeply especially at this age and environment in your life. I personally did not have a particularly cruel high school experience, but I would NEVER repeat it. Besides the diploma and maybe a few true friends I made and of course my high school sweetheart who is now the love of my life, the whole thing was one big pile of BS. We are all at such a "need for belonging or need for acceptance" stage at this age in life. More than ever before, it matters how you dress, what you drive, if you're funny, boring, smart, who you are seen with, who you date, what activities you're in and the big one...whether you party or not. Even if these things did not completely rule you in high school, they did affect you to some degree. For me, it was mostly because I did not care to be a part of any of it. Here is a HUGE secret to understanding me so pay close attention. I am my own person and I am not afraid to STAND ALONE. If I don't like something, I don't do it. If I don't like you, I won't pretend to. If what you're doing is wrong, I won't participate. If it's cruel and not remotely funny, you won't get a courtesy laugh. And I will always fight for the underdog with the heart of gold over the bully with the big guns. With that said, I have 3 major examples I would like to share about my experience with the kinds of things played out in the book. 1. I have never and will never kiss ass...ever. If that's what you require to keep people around you, then you shall never see me there. I give credit, attention, friendship and respect to whom it is due. I do not give it to people because they think they should have it, because they are "popular," because you are my boss, coach, teacher, etc. You will get these things from me when you earn them because your "name" means nothing to me. Which brings me to my first and best example of this in high school. The day I turned down big bad *bleep* Name omitted to prevent further gossip (I am sure anyone who had to deal with this bitch can figure out who she might be real quick). She thought she was miss high and mighty because she hung out with senior boys...so fucking what? Ok, so she thought that made her God. So thinking that everyone would die to be her friend and could never deny her, she invited me to a club (I wasn't even old enough to get in them at the time) simply because I was dating one of "her" senior boys. So when she asked, since I had never spoken to the girl in my life, I asked her "how come?" Why are you inviting me, I don't know you....ahhh but I do know what you're doing...so from then on she hated me. Hated one of my best friends too for the same reason...dating one of "her" boys and we had the gall to stand up to her. Unfortunately, this girl did not know that I did not care to be on her good side or on her followers list...as she proceeded to throw things at both me and my friend simply because we walked by (because her life was so sad she felt the need to do this with her time). How sad for her that her life was this empty and petty that it was spent running around harassing people who CLEARLY did not give two shits about her. We were perfectly fine not being friends with her, but man could she just not stand that. So to a lesser woman than me who did care about such things, do you have any idea how awful they might have felt at school with someone who could treat them that way?!? To have someone you don't even know talking about you and throwing things at you because you didn't kiss their ass?!? Absolutely mind blowing to me!!!  Naturally though now when I have seen her in the REAL world outside of high school, she hasn't even had the balls to look at me...yep. ::Shakes my head:: And stick with me here, I know it's long but it's a good read, I promise :)  2. You aren't worth fighting with to me. I am the kind of girl that if things go to blows, they will be done with my words. You'll get it all laid out on the table from me and then we're done. I'm not gonna fight you and I'm gonna leave you swingin' at nothing. This same boy from the previous girl (wow, he was sure some trouble wasn't he?!?)  had an ex girlfriend. She was crazy psychotic, stalker, harasser chick. Man if I knew then what I know now working for the PD, her ass would have had harassment charges filed against her!!! As soon as I start dating this boy (and let me clarify I was a sophomore cheerleader, he was a senior football player) she was all over my ass. She would try to come up and talk to my friends that she knew so she could stand 2 feet from me and glare at me, she wrote notes to him claiming they were from me stating that I was seeing someone new so that he'd find it and be upset or break up with me, she called my house, she had someone call my mother and tell her they were the school counselor and said that there were "reports" of me going to parties and getting drunk and dancing on tables...BA HA HA HA. My mom played the message for me and I started laughing, I'd never even been to a party before!! She told other girls that I liked their boyfriend so they'd hate me. Psycho bitch for sure. On top of all of this she was preggo in high school (not from the boy I was dating) and after she graduated and the baby was born she proceeded to allow a drunk friend drive her and the baby in the car...well, he wrecked and they were both killed. Baby survived, thank goodness. Bitch drove me nuts, which again I was strong enough to handle, but shit had I been more of a bitch myself back then I would have done more to stop her. Ha, I should have used my newspaper status to write a between the lines story about high school shit like that...hindsight. And for my last story, not as dramatic, but still counts. 3. And go figure, it again involves the same said boy, which only adds to my belief that just because you're "popular" doesn't mean you're worth all of the drama you bring. Heard through the grapevine that someone (and this was someone I knew and had no issues with at the time) was saying that it was perfect that I was with this boy because we quote "both had the biggest heads in the school." I can say for certain that anyone who thought this of me was one of the ones like the first bitch who was upset I didn't kiss her ass...I was stuck up because I was not grovelling at their feet....and I was by the way proud of it! So stuck up was I, cool. She however, actually was one of these truly stuck up people. She thought she was the most beautiful thing ever to grace that school because she was a different nationality and had long legs like a model. But again, she and I never had issues so what would cause her to say something like this out of the blue? My guess is that it was because she liked said boy or if not, just that he didn't like her...and I guess if going by rumors is the thing to do, I heard she slept with like 30 people at that time sooooo I guess it may have hurt her numbers that he wasn't a notch on the belt?!? Whatever. Someone else has something you want and ya gotta talk shit. Fantabulous. So what is the moral of this story?!? Well, in the book she explains how things spiraled out of control beginning with one rumor. Something everyone believed that was not true and after some time of being beaten up and treated like shit due to this incorrect piece of information other things happened when she was already in a state to be seriously damaged by it and she inevitably ended up ending her life. Ultimately, you don't always know what the truth is. And you don't always know what someone is thinking or feeling. When stupid shit like this happened to me I was a strong enough person to say "fuck you" and think nothing of them, but this wasn't the case for everyone. Some people were truly hurt by things like this. What if someone killed themselves and sent you a tape saying what you did to be part of it?!? You couldn't live with yourself because you had no idea the impact you were having on someone's life and it would be too late. Again, hindsight and pray you don't have to use it. If nothing else in this world I am sensitive...sensitive to other people's feelings. You all may see me as cold sometimes, but one thing I can tell you for sure is...I am ALWAYS conscious of what I say or do and the effect it can have on someone else. Why? Because I am very sensitive to the way I feel when people are not conscious of the effect they will have on me when they say or do things. "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." Truly words to live by. Think twice before making that nasty comment or being the shithead who treats someone badly for your own amusement. Someone could be close to their edge...