Enough is enough...orrrrr is it?!?

"Come on, think. I want you to reach back into those minds and tell me, tell us all, what it is you fantasize about. World peace? I thought so. Do you fantasize about international fame? Do you fantasize about winning a Pulitzer Prize? Or a Nobel Peace Prize? An MTV Music Award? Do you fantasize about meeting some genius hunk, ostensibly bad, but secretly simmering with noble passion and willing to sleep on the wet spot? You get Lucas' point. Fantasies have to be unrealistic because the moment, the second, that you get what you desire, you don't, you can't want it anymore. In order to continue to exist desire must have it's objects perpetually absent. Its not the it that you want, it's the fantasy of it. So desire supports crazy fantasies. This is what Pascal means when he says we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness or why we say the hunt is sweeter than the kill. Or be careful what you wish for, not because you get it but because you're doomed not to want it once you do. So the lesson of Lucas is, living by wants will never make you happy. What it means to be fully human is to strive to live by ideals and ideals and not to measure your life by what you've attained in terms of your desires but those small moments of integrity, compassion, rationality, even self-sacrifice. Because in the end, the only way that we can measure the signifigance of our own lives is by valuing the lives of others." -The Life of David Gale

This girl is guilty as charged. I admit that I have a real problem with always wanting more despite all of the great things that I have. Trust me, I know how horribly selfish that sounds. I know that the goal is to be happy with what you have, and I am, but this has never stopped me from reaching for more.

My over-achieverness began in childhood. I am an only child, but I was not spoiled in the sense that most people think only children get spoiled. I had to work for everything, especially attention, so I went into everything I did with the intent to shine, hoping that I would get the approval I was looking for. And usually I did and still do go big and do well, but the catch was always that as soon as I did something great, I then felt like I had to go bigger, better and higher. Kind of like an addiction that builds over time. So began a vicious cycle...

I always feel like I'm just not quite where I wanna be just yet. That I still have more work to do and as soon as I get there, I just know I will be happy. Buttttt that's not usually what happens. I have an awesome life. I absolutely do. I have done amazing things and I continue to do them still. I have the most wonderful hubby and family, a great group of girl friends, I have a degree, a decent job that makes decent money, I own a home...but my problem is that as soon as I get something I have been wanting, I am soon on to the next big thing. I just keep "one-upping" myself.

In my own defense, I am learning to be more content with what I have and am coming to the realization that not all of my wants will turn into gots. I will never give up on my dreams, but there are some things in this world that I got into my head that I should shoot for, but that more than likely wouldn't make me any more satisfied if I got it. I need to build on what I have and realize that sometimes "less" is more. The sooner I figure this out, the sooner I can stop setting myself up for disappointment and can really start enjoying what I already have.

I also agree that life is so much more rich when it is lived with and for others. I will always strive to do more and be more, but I want that to include my role in the lives of the ones I love. As of late, I have already begun that journey by being more positive and holding onto positive people, reaching for my dreams while spending more time with people who make me happy and doing things that make me happy. Through this I am trying to spread the positive light that I have and make a difference in at least some small way. There are still some things that I need to fix, but I will worry less about them from now on while I am enjoying the good things.


I will leave you with lyrics to a song by Stacie Orrico that have always rung true for me.

(There's Gotta Be) More to Life

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

[repeat chorus]

I'm wanting more
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....