As I find myself rapidly approaching my 3 year anniversary with the Lakewood Police Department and having spent the last 2 days in a training class, I feel it appropriate to take a minute to reflect on how far I have come in the public safety communications world.
On August 24, 2009, I started my first day on one of the most difficult, rewarding, educational, stressful, testing, maddening and misunderstood journeys of my life. That was my first day as a 911 Police Dispatcher. Little did I know at the time, what an impact simply having this job would make on not only myself, but on the relationships I have with friends, family and the public I serve.
I did not come from a law enforcement background with family members working in the field, nor did I ever think I would end up in a law enforcement career. When I saw the job announcement, I seemed qualified, it sounded cool, so I thought I would give it a shot. By some miracle I made it through the intense hiring process and have somehow managed to survive ever since. Me and one other person beat out almost 600 other applicants and spent 2 months being background checked with a fine tooth comb before finally getting the job. There is a very small percentage of the population who has the personality to be a dispatcher and many of us who try, don't make it through training. I would be lying if I didn't say that there were times that I thought I'd be one of them.
My first 8-9 months with the PD were spent in training (yes, it really takes that long to be done with training and completely dispatching on your own). Training was one of the most difficult, uncomfortable and almost "breaking point" times in my entire life. Having to make split second decisions filled with gray areas, with sometimes life or death consequences, while keeping officers safe and remaining calm, all while a trainer listens to and watches your every move, can wear on you. On more than one occasion in the last 3 years, I told myself, "I can't do this. I am not cut out for this job. I don't fit in." But somehow, here I still am.
We all see 911 calls on the news, sadly more often in a bad light, but no one can ever understand the weight a dispatcher bears, knowing that at any moment, THAT call could be your next call. So, better make sure you handle it right 'cause you don't want to be the dispatcher on the news who fucked up. One small slip up can change someone's life forever. In a good or bad way, the outcome is at least partially up to us.
3 years in and I am still learning, enhancing my skills and becoming a better dispatcher. I still have days where I wonder if I'm where I'm supposed to be, but then I have to remind myself: in 3 years, I have had almost nothing but praise. In 3 years, I AM STILL HERE. My supervisors, coworkers and officers trust me to let me put my headset on and take those calls and send those officers. They are trusting me to someday train someone to be like me. Wow. So here's me and my reflection...
Despite the hard times and the moments where I didn't think I could make it, didn't think I could take one more tragic call, cussing caller or rude officer. For the moments when I didn't have confidence in myself, knew someone else didn't have confidence in me and felt like I just wasn't ever gonna get it, I have surprised myself and I have done it, and done it well. I have spent a lot of time doubting my abilities despite the fact that so many others have believed in me and think much more of my dispatching abilities than I give myself credit for.
More and more though, I am coming to realize that I can do this, I DO do this and I deserve to be a dispatcher, and the city of Lakewood deserves to have me. While spending the last couple of days in training, a major theme that kept coming up is, "are you the kind of dispatcher you would want handling your family's emergency?" and "are you the kind of person who can handle that high priority call when it comes up?" The answer is yes.
I'm not looking for pats on the back because this moment, this blog, is about patting myself on the back. I heard a very true statement that speaks directly to me today, "others have had more faith in me than I have had in myself." I have spent a long time thinking maybe I'm not where I'm supposed to be, but there are so many people who disagree, and want me answering those calls right beside them.
I say again that NO ONE can understand what a dispatcher does until they ARE one or at least observe one in action. This life is not for everyone. And as many times as I have minimized my abilities or what I do, there is no denying that what I do is special and that it takes a special person to do it. I am proud to say that I am one of them. I can only hope that I can only become better and come to appreciate me and my career even more. I still don't know what the future holds for me as far as being a 911 dispatcher forever, but no matter what happens, this experience will have forever changed me and given me a chance to grow in ways that not many others can. What I have learned about the world and myself from this job is not one where you can learn most anywhere else. Wherever I go from here, I will be better because of where I am now and what I have gone through to get here.
I make even the smallest impact on people everyday when I am at work and this is no small thing. To appreciate yourself and your role in this world is something we should never neglect. We all need a pat on the back sometimes, especially from ourselves. We are after all sometimes our harshest critic and sometimes we deserve those gold stars and thumbs up.
I'll leave you with this poem and some funny dispatch humor!!
Just A Voice
Dispatcher PoemIt was me who took your frantic call, when you had no other choice.
I spend many hours waiting, to help when you're in need.
"Send help to me, please get them here is often what you plead.
To do my job is complex, but only a few tools are a must
Put your faith in me, I am the one that you can trust.
My ears are a necessity; my mouth a mighty sword
I must use my ears to listen, and then choreograph every word.
I am the protector of this land; I take pride in what I do
I am here to listen and do what is best for you.
The day you place a call to me, might be the worst day you ever had
At least today you know, I too was feeling sad.
I take your problems home with me, I know that's not so good,
But as you felt your tragedy it was by your side I stood.
I walked with you to the door, to let them in to help,
I guided you to safety, when all alone you felt.
It is not often we hear praise or even simple thanks,
But the cookies and cards are plenty through police and fire ranks.
The day you placed your call, and I picked up the phone
I hope I made you feel safe and showed you you're not alone.
Remember who I am, I am not just a voice
I am the 911 Dispatcher you called when you had no other choice.
Author: Tracy Eldridge
Rochester, MA Communications Center
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