These are a few of my fave-or-ite peeps!

Favorite- person or thing liked most: somebody or something that is liked most of all or preferred to all others.

I do not use the word favorite lightly. There are very few people who have earned the role of favorite in my life and in a world where we often encounter people who are less than favorable, I think my favorites deserve to be shown some love!

This small and wonderful group of people make my life brighter, help keep a smile on my face, and help maintain my sanity in moments when I need it most. Without them, it would be much easier to succumb to the negative and sadder aspects of this world, but luckily, I have them!

Travis AKA my Sunshine- You are just that. You literally light up my life. You are my best friend and the love of my life. My puzzle piece. You are so much a part of my life that that there are hardly any aspects of life that don't involve you, and that's how I like. Actually, scratch that, love it! What better way to spend life than with the one you love the muchiest! ;) So glad that despite our youth and immaturity, we both knew there was something more and never let each other go! I could write a novel about the amazing person you are and what you mean to me, but just know that I love you to the moon and back and that I know that you love me the same. I love the humor, joy and "completeness" that you bring to my life and that just being together is happiness to me. We can sit in silence and never say a word, yet compliment each other so well at the same time. Loving you is so easy, yet you know all the right ways to challenge me...thank you for being so wonderfully you and perfect for me at the same time! Love you!

Louise- My incredible and incredibly loved grandmother! My grandmother just means so much to me...she is incredibly selfless and has done things for me in times when I hardly deserved it, but she did it all the same because she loved me and that's just what great grandmothers do! She has been kind of like my other "parent" all my life and I have lived with her the majority of my life. I owe her in so many ways because she has been that rock when I needed her and I will do all that I can to show her just how much she means to me! I don't think she ever gives herself the kind of credit that she deserves, but she is more deserving than most anyone I know! It is an incredible person to do so much for others at the expense of herself, but she never even bats an eyelash. She is a queen and deserves to be treated like one to the max! I love you grandma more than you'll ever know!

Sheileen- my mother-in-law and more importantly, my friend. It is truly a wonderful thing to know that while most women complain about their mother-in-law, I truly and absolutely LOVE mine! It is a rare thing to have a soul mate in a partner, but to then find another soul mate in a totally different way in the same family, is saying something...perhaps my hubby and soul mate learned best from his mother because I love them both beyond words! Sheileen, you have filled so many emotional holes and enhanced my life in so many ways that I can't even begin to explain. I tell you more than I tell most of my friends and I do so because I know that you care and also that I know that you never judge me because you love me just the same! I trust your opinion and love listening to your wisdom, and know that you will always be there for me! I appreciate so much the bond that we have and will always have no matter where mine and Travis' relationship ends up! You are a friend, mother and true soul mate for life!

Tommy- my cousin and best friend. You know you have always been more like a brother to me because we were all raised together and spent so much time together. I love your "genuineness." You are genuine to the core. I love how good you are at just being you, and that I can be so ME with you at the same time! Besides my hubby, you are the only person I can ever TRULY be myself around because I know that you accept me for me and just know that I will ALWAYS accept you for you! You are beautiful both inside and out and I pity anyone who never has the pleasure and privilege of knowing you. I wish that I had your ability to be so like and lovable! Your energy is magnetic, you are hard to resist and my only wish is that I could see you more often...may be something we need to seriously work on cause I love every moment I spend with yo face! I just love, love, love you! Zombies and darkness and music and stuff ;)

Danielle- my most wonderfully feisty friend! Thank you for leading me to the doorway of women empowerment! Empowerment not only for myself, but for my fellow women! Thank you for being that friend who "gets it," and knows that true friendships and great friendships come from lifting each other up and being there for each other unselfishly! You are so good at being the positive light, yet still know how to incorporate your feisty roots in at the same time. And I love that you can be positive with me yet let me keep my feisty too!! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and for introducing people to your fellow women "empowerers" so that we can all benefit from the positive vibe (you know who they are)! Also, thank you for just being such a fun friend! You are always down for whatever shenanigans we all think of and make no excuses! You light up the room and make us all laugh, but can also have a serious heart to heart and give the most valuable, sincere advice at the same time! Thank you for being such a fresh breath of "great friend" air! Love ya like a feisty girl loves cupcakes! Ha ha ha

Jenny- my lifetime friend. Though we haven't known each other our whole lives, we've been friends for some of the most important moments. High school, boy drama, growing up, college and now full-on adulthood! Thank you for the sincere and genuine friendship that you always give. You are so loved by so many and it is for a reason! You have an amazing way of just being there for people and genuinely caring about them. This is something that I have always admired about you! You also have the same goofiness as I do and I can't complain about how out of control that means we can get! And it's AWESOME!! Thank you for always being there and for making such an effort out of all of your busyness to come to my little soirees! Love ya!

Kaitlyn- my lover you friend. Miss Kaitlyn, you and I have known each other for a couple years now, and sometimes it's been a roller coaster ride. But deep down, no matter what, we are friends to the core! I love how laid-back you are and yet you know when to let your hair down and act like a crazy with the rest of us! Because you are so laid-back, you also are always up for all of my shenanigans and you make every effort to be there for each and every one! Thank you for being there for me in times when I needed to vent and to always listen without judging! You have seen me at some of my rare and worst moments and you still like me somehow, lol. I love our girls nights whether it be all the girls or just us and I also enjoyed our BBQ with miss Maddie (we will have to do one of those again)! Cheers to many more years of our craziness! Lover you!

Caitlin- my sister-in-law and friend. I love that you truly embrace and cherish the moments with the family like I do, and that you make such an effort to spend time with all of us! I can't even begin to imagine what having 2 kids is like, not to mention having 2 kids while working and having a hubby with crazy hours like mine, so I think you deserve a lot of credit for balancing all that you do and still making the time to fit us all in! You are a superwoman! You and I are so alike in that we came from much smaller families, so I think we truly understand the connection of the large family we married into! I believe that the word "family" does not always apply just to the people you are blood-related to and that some of the most important people in your life are those that come from different nuclear families, who you allow and accept into your heart as family. Sometimes you choose your "blood" and you all are blood to me! Love ya!

Granted there are so many more special people in my life, these just happen to be the ones that I talk to and spend the most time with! I love and appreciate all of the people in my life, that's why you are in my life, but just felt the need to take a moment to let a few who have gone the extra, extra mile, know just how much they mean to me!

Choices...

A recent local news story really stroked a chord in me, and mostly because of the reaction people had to it. First and foremost, I do not say this to argue, debate or "talk shit" to anyone who may disagree with me, but because I feel that people may not always know what happens in "real" life behind the news lens.

I happen to be someone who studied journalism in college and actually lives criminal justice in real life. I know how the news media can impact a situation whether it be positive or negative, and that this is what people see, sensationalized or not.

The news story I am speaking of is a DUI related case where the driver hit a tow truck driver who was already on scene with officers on an unrelated emergency accident. My high school peeps have mostly already seen this and know what I am talking about and anyone else can either ask or Google that ish. The suspect and previous high school classmate of mine was recently sentenced for hitting and killing someone as a result of a DUI. He was sentenced to 48 years. Some people argue this is too little of time, some that this is too much. Some that this is a choice and some that this was related to an illness.

Me? I don't think that we can place a value on life and what this case really comes down to is a choice and how a choice impacted a life. Does the manner in which a life is taken warrant time served? Perhaps, but I learned in college that I am not much of a negotiator, therefore most likely a horrible attorney/judge as I could not accurately place a value on such a thing as life or forgive someone for taking one so selfishly. All I ever knew was that I could never defend someone who I thought may be guilty...

I am a straight up HATER with a capital H-A-T-E-R of DUI's. There is NO excuse. If ya don't have a ride then you don't have a reason to drink and then drive. Get a DD, get a cab, call a friend. They may want to punch you in the face for calling them drunk at whatever in the AM, but do they want to see you kill yourself or someone else?!? NOT LIKELY.

I work in a field of overwhelming negativeness. Very rarely do I see a happy ending, but more upsetting than anything is that sadness, anger and tragedy is usually a CHOICE. People choose to do these things. To drink, to drink and drive, to assault, fight, hate, hurt, cause drama and any other horrible, sad and despicable situation you can ever wildly dream of. There is so much possible joy in this world and you choose to kill it?!? All I can ask is why? I know I will never receive the answer, but oh how I feel the need to ask!

So with this DUI case I hear a lot of people saying, " how sad for him" or when I call him selfish, I have people trying to tell me not to confuse selfishness with alcoholism. Trust me, I don't. Alcoholism is selfish. You choose to drink, and this sometimes leads to alcoholism, but the choice to drink in the first place is your's. I have known many an alcoholic, but especially in this case where this person had many DUI's before they eventually hit and killed someone...well, all I have to say is...NO EXCUSES. This person begged a judge to give them a second chance because they realized that they "act irresponsibly" when drunk. They were granted a second chance and then drove drunk, while their license was revoked unless with an interlock device. They chose to take their parent's vehicle, knowing they would not be responsible to an interlock and ultimately killed someone. Choices.

I have no pity, no sympathy and no sorrow for this person. I feel sorry for the person and their family who lost their life and that of a loved one for someone else's selfish choice. I hope the drinks you had that night were worth someone's light. You snubbed out someone's light...for booze. Justify that. Oh wait. You can't.

48 years...too much? Too little? I don't have an answer because I cannot place a time limit or value on that person's life. I don't know when their "time" was or if this incident makes this being their time fair. Just sorry to hear that someone else's poor choice had something to do with it.

Maybe I am a little "butt hurt" about it?!? Maybe, but this happens to be the one week of the year where people in my line of work can be recognized for what we do. This is National Public Safety Telecommunications week. A time to recognize 911 dispatchers for the hard work that we do and the "unsung heroes" that we are. I would love for anyone to have to take an emergency call and do so without showing emotion, even when your heart is breaking for someone. In this particular case, imagine being the officer who watched the tow truck driver who was helping you, get run over. Or imagine someone like me being on the other end of the radio, hearing that someone was just run over and is possibly dead and for what?!? Someone's typical Friday night out?!? Not excusable.  We take that shit home with us and it's hard. We have to be strong when someone else's world may be falling apart. We know what it is to appreciate life and to shun someone who violates it. Enough said.

I urge you to educate yourself, put yourself in someone else's shoes and to never take anything for granted, most importantly someone's life.

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness...

Seriously. I may look nice, and I am, but don’t assume that this makes me a doormat. Some people are loud, I’m not. Their speech is loud, their speech is frequent, they talk over people, and they say everything that comes to their mind. I am just not like that. This doesn’t mean that people who do this are all rude necessarily (some are), but that just isn’t me. When I am in the company of people who are “louder” than me, I tend to take on the listener approach rather then fight to be heard.

Anyone who knows me WELL, knows that I am a talker and I like to share my opinions and socialize, but I am not going to have a pissing match with people who want to “out-talk me.” I'm not shy, I'm not afraid of who I am, I just choose my battles and know when it's worth speaking up or not. People who talk over people usually don't care or have the respect for what you have to say anyway, so might as well let them have at it. *shrugs* SO if you think I am quiet, then you’re probably too loud, just sayin’. 

I am also not a fan of awkward and UNNECESSARY confrontations. I am very conscious of the way things are said and how they can be perceived. I am very sensitive to the impact words can have on people and I am a decent human being enough to care. There is a line between being yourself and expressing your beliefs respectfully and being the asshole who crosses it and speaks with no regard to the feelings it may hurt. People who do this not only have the ability to hurt other people, but they hurt themselves. It's self-damaging. It's not healthy to be an asshole in general, but you also isolate yourself by making no one want to be around you, so just don't do it OK? If it’ll cause awkward tension or it’s rude and it doesn’t need to be said, then don’t say it. Rules to live by: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If not, then let it be left unsaid.

Whether I like your face or not, I don’t see the point in making things awkward, being mean or saying things to piss people off, especially if you’re someone I have to see all the time. I think being rude for the sake of being rude is stupid…there is a time and place for rude, but it does not need to be in every day conversation among FRIENDS AND FAMILY! And if you've been rude up to this point, and you know you have, and you think I am rolling over and letting you...don't make this mistake either. I try to let rude slide as long as I possibly can and then eventually I explode. You don't want that.  

With that being said, just because I don’t fight to talk over you or make things awkward for you, does not mean that I am weak and will bend to you. It means that I know how to handle myself like an adult and can leave petty shit aside. I like harmony and I don't take joy in making people feel bad or trying to look like a hard-ass bitch for no reason. There are so many different personalities in this world with so many different buttons to be pressed. It is IM-POSSIBLE to avoid everyone’s hot buttons and to agree with or like everyone in this world. It is OK not to make friends with every single person you come into contact with in this world, but it is NOT OK to not give people at least general respect.

So I think sometimes people mistake me for weak because I am not loud or argumentative. Well, you'd be way off the mark. I just save my "fight" for times to fight, no use wasting energy just so people can hear me. I don't need the spotlight and I know the difference between something that needs to be said compared to "I just don't know how to shut my mouth." <----that is called word vomit. I'm just not overly forth-coming and obnoxious with my noise. There is an orchestra of strong, powerful and awesome stuff in here, but I'm choosy about with whom and when it comes out. I don't personally think that everyone is deserving nor would they even want to know what realness I have in store.

Bottom line: Think before you speak. Don't say something that would be better left unsaid. Don't say things to be shitty and rude to the people you love. Treat people how you would want to be treated.

 

Enough is enough...orrrrr is it?!?

"Come on, think. I want you to reach back into those minds and tell me, tell us all, what it is you fantasize about. World peace? I thought so. Do you fantasize about international fame? Do you fantasize about winning a Pulitzer Prize? Or a Nobel Peace Prize? An MTV Music Award? Do you fantasize about meeting some genius hunk, ostensibly bad, but secretly simmering with noble passion and willing to sleep on the wet spot? You get Lucas' point. Fantasies have to be unrealistic because the moment, the second, that you get what you desire, you don't, you can't want it anymore. In order to continue to exist desire must have it's objects perpetually absent. Its not the it that you want, it's the fantasy of it. So desire supports crazy fantasies. This is what Pascal means when he says we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness or why we say the hunt is sweeter than the kill. Or be careful what you wish for, not because you get it but because you're doomed not to want it once you do. So the lesson of Lucas is, living by wants will never make you happy. What it means to be fully human is to strive to live by ideals and ideals and not to measure your life by what you've attained in terms of your desires but those small moments of integrity, compassion, rationality, even self-sacrifice. Because in the end, the only way that we can measure the signifigance of our own lives is by valuing the lives of others." -The Life of David Gale

This girl is guilty as charged. I admit that I have a real problem with always wanting more despite all of the great things that I have. Trust me, I know how horribly selfish that sounds. I know that the goal is to be happy with what you have, and I am, but this has never stopped me from reaching for more.

My over-achieverness began in childhood. I am an only child, but I was not spoiled in the sense that most people think only children get spoiled. I had to work for everything, especially attention, so I went into everything I did with the intent to shine, hoping that I would get the approval I was looking for. And usually I did and still do go big and do well, but the catch was always that as soon as I did something great, I then felt like I had to go bigger, better and higher. Kind of like an addiction that builds over time. So began a vicious cycle...

I always feel like I'm just not quite where I wanna be just yet. That I still have more work to do and as soon as I get there, I just know I will be happy. Buttttt that's not usually what happens. I have an awesome life. I absolutely do. I have done amazing things and I continue to do them still. I have the most wonderful hubby and family, a great group of girl friends, I have a degree, a decent job that makes decent money, I own a home...but my problem is that as soon as I get something I have been wanting, I am soon on to the next big thing. I just keep "one-upping" myself.

In my own defense, I am learning to be more content with what I have and am coming to the realization that not all of my wants will turn into gots. I will never give up on my dreams, but there are some things in this world that I got into my head that I should shoot for, but that more than likely wouldn't make me any more satisfied if I got it. I need to build on what I have and realize that sometimes "less" is more. The sooner I figure this out, the sooner I can stop setting myself up for disappointment and can really start enjoying what I already have.

I also agree that life is so much more rich when it is lived with and for others. I will always strive to do more and be more, but I want that to include my role in the lives of the ones I love. As of late, I have already begun that journey by being more positive and holding onto positive people, reaching for my dreams while spending more time with people who make me happy and doing things that make me happy. Through this I am trying to spread the positive light that I have and make a difference in at least some small way. There are still some things that I need to fix, but I will worry less about them from now on while I am enjoying the good things.


I will leave you with lyrics to a song by Stacie Orrico that have always rung true for me.

(There's Gotta Be) More to Life

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

[repeat chorus]

I'm wanting more
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

This is about as real as it gets.

I could blow you away with all of the Lindsay that I'm packin', but most people will never have the privilege...the amount of people in this world that truly know me is slim to nothing annnnnddddd I like it that way. I have an incredibly intense personality, but usually it comes out in incredibly expressive ways or to some, what seems to be incredibly indifferent ways. Expressive means I love your face to shit or perhaps that you're sorry you ever lit my fuse 'cause I burned your ass...indifferent usually translates into I'm a stuck up bitch because I don't throw myself at you to be friends. Well, sorry to break it to ya, I love with all my heart and I disregard just the same. Don't get me wrong, I have the gift of going into everything I do with 100%. I love harmony and want nothing more, but if you don't reciprocate it then well, let me just say you'll know if I'm gonna ride for ya or leave your ass to fend for yourself. My favorites in this world know who they are because they have also made me their favorite and I ain't gonna lie, I play for my favorites. If you have to sit there and be like, " I think I am..." Nope, try harder. You know I did and then eventually it probably seemed like I didn't and that ain't my fault...I expect a lot when it comes to my favorites and most people don't make the cut, it ain't hard, it's called making an effort. I'm sorry my expectations are high. Wait. Strike that, reverse it. I am not sorry. I'm pretty sure that there is nothing in this world that ever said it was a good idea to lower your expectations...usually the suggestion is to raise the bar. I like hurdles and I will jump them when it's worth it...I can only hope that I am a hurdle to anyone in this world worth jumping. I always say, take me or leave me, understand me or don't. I have a lot of shit built up in here and sometimes it affects who I let in my life so keep in mind, "you may know my name, but not my story." There are chapters in my life some people will never understand...NEVER. I will never explain them to you, and you will never understand me for them, but they are there, they have shaped me into what you see before you so again,  love this or leave this...I will embrace or brush it off either way. I hope you choose to love me though because I am a force to be reckoned with and can be a wonderful addition to your team. If I am in your life it is with an incredible passion. I know what lack of passion looks like...it's a waste of life force. I don't waste any of my force so please absorb it like a God damn sponge if I am spilling it your way. My spillage only lasts for so long and when it's not being returned you'll be wishing you hadn't wasted it when you had the chance. NO ONE should waste ANYTHING when they have the chance. So just don't do it ummmmkkkk?!?!? I've had too many people in my life who should have been there for me who weren't. You ever wanna know, just ask. I promise to always give you my best, but don't expect me to owe anyone anything for less than the best in return. I really am better at writing what I feel...if you don't like what I write, then you will never appreciate me. This is about as real as it gets right here.

I Can't Fix You

Trying to get to bed yesterday in the wee hours of the morning, one of the random moments of sadness I sometimes have about my dad snuck up. Not sure where it came from. I think it happened subconsciously in that moment when you're just drifting to sleep when things start to get weird and you either fall further into sleep and keep dreaming it or it jolts you awake...well, I woke back up and for a small second was reminded that I don't have any clue where my father is. Anyone close enough to me knows that I do not have an ideal relationship with either of my parents, but the one with my father is virtually non-existent. I don't say this to bash him or air his dirty laundry so to speak, I say this because it is 100% true, 100% sad and obviously has an impact on my life. For those of you with wonderful fathers who are in your life, helped raise you and were there for you, do me a favor. Cherish every bit of it because you are very blessed. I am glad for you that you can look at your father and say things like how there for you he was or that you looked up to him, that he taught you so much and showed you so much love. I do not believe I was unloved by him, but I do believe I was not a priority and most likely never will be. My father has always been a mess. I didn't really realize it until I got older because my family tried to hide it from me, but I am fully aware of his mess now. My parents were never married and I have never lived with my father. He used to just come and pick me up here and there to stay over and it always seemed great to me because my dad was always more like a fun friend than a parent. I realize now that, that was immaturity and deep rooted issues that he still hasn't overcome. Through the years he gradually got worse and people stopped trying to hide the mess that is him, and he no longer has anyone to clean up his messes. He seemed like a perfectly functional adult when I was young, but then I realized that he never had money enough for himself and relied on family and friends to cover for him and take him in the majority of the time. He never paid child support for me either. In more recent years, he has gotten about as low as he can get. He has no home, no money...no anything. At this point, I have not spoken to him since August when I got home from getting married in Vegas. He was not there, he did not walk me down the aisle. He really didn't seem all that enthused about it at all even though he has met Travis and likes him. He has the maturity of a teenager to put it plainly and his ability to see past his own selfishness and be a father is practically non-existent. I am the parent when I do hear from him, but most of the time I have no idea where he is or how to reach him. He calls when he feels like it and I tend to assume that no news is good news, that he's not in jail or at a homeless shelter or in some other drama. So yeah, I currently have no clue where he is and usually I don't think about him really as sad as that sounds. His life is such a mess to the point that I don't think he will ever recover...this is the most sad thing of all. As much as I would love to have the "world's greatest dad," I wish that even if I am never to have a relationship with him that he could at least someday come to know what having a real life is. And to know any kind of peace. To not be on drugs, drinking, homeless, squatting at someone's place, being booted and then re-embraced by family. To know what having a real everyday job is like, paying bills, interacting with family...the stuff we find so mundane. I can't imagine how much pain and destruction in his life he has seen and sometimes I feel so sad and sorry for him and just wish I could fix it...but then I realize it's not my job to and nor do I owe it to him with the damage his absence has done me. I realize that although the cards he has been dealt suck, he needs to punch that dealer in the throat and take the damn deck and deal himself the right hand. It's his life and he needs to fix it and if he were willing to do this I would be right there helping him, but that is where the immaturity steps in. He doesn't see life this way. He is a victim and he has been wronged and the world owes him something. He does not understand that the world is not fair, it does suck and it's going to screw you over and you will feel momentarily helpless. You can't control everything and you can't even always change it, but you can change what you do about it. He rebels, he doesn't rise above it. So dad, I'm sorry, I cannot fix you I can only wish for you to fix yourself. Until then it is what it is...you'll call every 3-4 months from a number I don't know so I won't answer because I won't know it's you. You'll leave messages saying that I never answer my phone like it's my job to when you call. When we do speak it'll be about you, no inquiries into how your daughter is doing and you'll just complain about the shit you've dealt with recently and ask me how you can fix it with my court and police "expertise." We'll hang up and you'll go back to doing you and I'll back to doing me until next time comes around. No, I cannot fix you...not with the strongest tape or the strongest glue. Only you can fix you and I can only hope that someday you choose to.

You're Only as Good as the Company You Keep

Only recently have I come to know how truly important your choice of friends/cohorts/partners in crime, whatever you call them, really is. It's amazing what a difference it makes to surround yourself with people who genuinely lift you up and are there for you, who empower you and are happy to see you happy. It's hard sometimes to see that "misery loves company," but it seems that people who are in misery flock together and the same can be said for those who aren't. I have to say that the last couple months have been a complete eye opener for me. I wouldn't say that I was necessarily in misery or depressed, but I can say that I was in an overall state of frustration about a lot of things in my life. I felt very much in a rut and that things just weren't going my way and I wasn't shy about sharing my feelings about it. And then the new year came along and although I do not do new year's resolutions, the timing was coincidentally perfect for me to take a new lease on life. I really took a look at myself and all of the things I was complaining about and made it my mission to not feel that way about life anymore, I mean it's only my LIFE we're talking about here right?!? So I made a conscious decision to cut all of the negativity from my life and to change anything I had complaints about. This whole time, the power to make those negative and stressful parts of my life less so was completely in my control to change and I spent how many years wasting time just bitching about it?!?! So with my new attitude and positive outlook I have made it a point to surround myself with people who are thinking the way I now do, who live their lives positively, inspire and lift others up. I have been overwhelmed with the abundance of people who actually are like this and how amazing it makes you feel!! It makes you want to be amazing and inspiring, supportive and uplifting!!! And I am!! Along with this though I have noticed some people fading more into the background...I am not saying this as in, "we are no longer friends" or "they're negative" or "I can't hang out with them anymore," but I did notice a difference. My only guess is that the idea of misery loving company is true...maybe now that I'm not complaining too, it's annoying to talk to me, I know I often get annoyed by obnoxiously happy people, but there is nothing obnoxious about it, it's simply honest. I would hope that anyone who has noticed any change in me whatsoever would be close enough to me to want to be right there with me. It sounds cliche and easier said than done, I know. But literally once I had it in my head that I was gonna do it, I did it and it was ridiculously simple. If nothing else, I want anyone who is caught in a constant state of complaining to find their way to this change too and I am all for helping them get there. I don't want people to fade because we don't complain together anymore, I want us all to be there for each other and lift each other up GENUINELY!!! No back-handed comments and no secret resentments. Just friends having fun and being happy for the things going on each other's lives. I used to be no stranger to down-playing someone's happiness because truthfully, sometimes it makes you feel "smaller" and wanting more to hear that someone got something you didn't. But then I came to the realization that there is no reason not to be happy for others...AT ALL!!! Have you ever thought about the times you may have deliberately ignored someone else's good news because you were in some way "jealous" of their success?!?! Think about what they got though...did you really want it?!? I don't know about you, but there has been many a time I have heard good news and it is definitely something I am happy for someone else for and glad it's their news and not mine!!! And whether it's something you also wanted or not, still be happy and make it happen for yourself, there is nothing to say that you and someone else both can't have the same happy moments. All I can say is that I am in love with being positive and in love with the high it gives me. Being this way and being with people who share the same energy has opened so many doors for me and it has made my quality of life so much better. I love all of the people in my life, and realize that not everyone is on my same path...doesn't mean you're against me, it simply means that I will strive to do what I can to be a positive person in your life and our relationship will proceed accordingly. You can count on me to be genuine, to lift you up, to be positive and to be supportive. I may not be a complete expert on the whole living positively thing just yet, but I can guarantee that what I do know is enough to rock your world even in the slightest little bit!!! I will do all that I can to share this and all of my fellow empowering friends with you!!!