Some of you may have seen a previous post a couple weeks ago about someone sucking at life and being fired from it?!? Whether you did or not, now is the time to elaborate on the situation. So here's the sitch...I have been sitting in front of a crossroads in my life for quite some time now and anyone who is close to me or even remotely pays attention to my posts can see that. It has become painfully, and I mean painfully, obvious that I chose to go the wrong direction career-wise in my life. My heart was and still is in teaching and it's too late for that. Teachers are being cut. Art, PE and Music teachers are going bye bye and regular classroom teachers are having to do those classes as well. Classes are holding up to 40 kids in some districts, yes 40. How could you possibly teach and keep track of that many?!? I've been told about the "pull out system" where you get a group of kids and start teaching them a topic and then 30 minutes later they rotate in the middle of your lesson and a new group comes in. And all you do is teach for tests, that I personally do not believe in, and all flexibility and creativity in teaching is gone. So yes, teaching is what I wanted to do, but I can't justify going back to school and spending more money to still not be happy. I was also good at journalism, but it bored me. So now I am stuck at a job I do not love, with a schedule I hate, still the lowest woMAN on the totem pole for almost 3 years now. I am tired of being handed my schedule at everyone else's mercy and I am tired of feeling like this is not my place and constantly dreaming of something more. I hate spending my entire weekend dreading the day I have to go back to work. Yeah, it's like that. I have tried to tell myself that this is a great job and that I should be happy with it, but saying it doesn't make it so. It is a great job for people who love working in law enforcement, but I knew while I was working on my degree that there was no place for me working it. I love the crazy criminal justice cases, but I just wanna hear about it, I don't want to do it. I probably should have become a crime writer or something. So I have been moseying along from CJ job to CJ job knowing this shit isn't for me. This is in some people's blood, but it isn't in mine. So now you know how I got where I am and here is how the person who is fired from life comes into play. In my line of work you have to have heart and it has to be in your blood. So for some of the people I work with who are like this, I give them major props and I'm glad you have found your niche. The unfortunate side effect to this is that there is very much a brother or sisterhood to this line of work and they take it very personally. I get that, but they can be very shitty about people who don't feel the way they do. Well, I apologize to these peeps, but I don't have heart in what I do, I realize that I should and this is why I am trying to leave them in peace, but I have heard some shitty things about the way they treat people who leave. It's almost traitorous to them and they explain it away as "they just couldn't hack it." Well, maybe so in some cases, they claim that only 2% of the population can do what I do. I can do it, but I don't love it. I want to go to work enjoying what I do and quite frankly I get really sick of knowing all the dirt in the city I live in and hearing people's drunken stupidity and downright disregard for other people. I want to work with positive things and not negative and if I had stuck to my guns and turned out a teacher maybe I could have. But what really pushed me over the edge and has pushed me to start looking elsewhere finally is that I have been somewhere for over 2 years that I am not in love with and I am still at the dead bottom and people wonder why I am unhappy getting a schedule I don't like. Well, most people do not want to work 8 pm to 6 am with Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays off and work every fucking holiday. Am I right?!? I AM RIGHT. I know I knew this when I got the job, but that doesn't make it fair that someone like me who has been at the bottom for almost 3 years should always have to work EVERY holiday and EVERY weekend and get the shit shift for a WHOLE YEAR!!! No one gets the shift they don't like for a whole year unless they took it except for me. So this jerk at work who kept bugging me about my schedule asks me if I liked what I got for the second time and when I said no for the second time he proceeded to tell me that other people had stuff going on in their lives, like I needed to be happy with what I got and understand that other people had shit to do so I need to quit bitching. Well, first of all he asked me, I didn't offer my feelings and whether I am at the bottom or not does not mean I should be shit on. So basically other people can have stuff going on in their lives, but I can't and should just be happy I have a job and because I unfortunately am the last to have been hired, my life has to work around everyone else's shit?!? WRONG-O!! No thank you very much, see ya. I have dreams and I have a life too and I am not gonna spend 10 years doing something I don't love to still not have a good shift, days off or holidays off. Yeah, there are about 5 people out of the 30 I work with that actually get this luxury and they have been there like 20 years...shit ain't happening. I know this is the nature of the work I am in and I made a mistake entering myself into it. I will leave it to the people with heart and I will continue on my quest for something I can show my heart in. Time to move on and make me happy for a change.
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