Enough is enough...orrrrr is it?!?

"Come on, think. I want you to reach back into those minds and tell me, tell us all, what it is you fantasize about. World peace? I thought so. Do you fantasize about international fame? Do you fantasize about winning a Pulitzer Prize? Or a Nobel Peace Prize? An MTV Music Award? Do you fantasize about meeting some genius hunk, ostensibly bad, but secretly simmering with noble passion and willing to sleep on the wet spot? You get Lucas' point. Fantasies have to be unrealistic because the moment, the second, that you get what you desire, you don't, you can't want it anymore. In order to continue to exist desire must have it's objects perpetually absent. Its not the it that you want, it's the fantasy of it. So desire supports crazy fantasies. This is what Pascal means when he says we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness or why we say the hunt is sweeter than the kill. Or be careful what you wish for, not because you get it but because you're doomed not to want it once you do. So the lesson of Lucas is, living by wants will never make you happy. What it means to be fully human is to strive to live by ideals and ideals and not to measure your life by what you've attained in terms of your desires but those small moments of integrity, compassion, rationality, even self-sacrifice. Because in the end, the only way that we can measure the signifigance of our own lives is by valuing the lives of others." -The Life of David Gale

This girl is guilty as charged. I admit that I have a real problem with always wanting more despite all of the great things that I have. Trust me, I know how horribly selfish that sounds. I know that the goal is to be happy with what you have, and I am, but this has never stopped me from reaching for more.

My over-achieverness began in childhood. I am an only child, but I was not spoiled in the sense that most people think only children get spoiled. I had to work for everything, especially attention, so I went into everything I did with the intent to shine, hoping that I would get the approval I was looking for. And usually I did and still do go big and do well, but the catch was always that as soon as I did something great, I then felt like I had to go bigger, better and higher. Kind of like an addiction that builds over time. So began a vicious cycle...

I always feel like I'm just not quite where I wanna be just yet. That I still have more work to do and as soon as I get there, I just know I will be happy. Buttttt that's not usually what happens. I have an awesome life. I absolutely do. I have done amazing things and I continue to do them still. I have the most wonderful hubby and family, a great group of girl friends, I have a degree, a decent job that makes decent money, I own a home...but my problem is that as soon as I get something I have been wanting, I am soon on to the next big thing. I just keep "one-upping" myself.

In my own defense, I am learning to be more content with what I have and am coming to the realization that not all of my wants will turn into gots. I will never give up on my dreams, but there are some things in this world that I got into my head that I should shoot for, but that more than likely wouldn't make me any more satisfied if I got it. I need to build on what I have and realize that sometimes "less" is more. The sooner I figure this out, the sooner I can stop setting myself up for disappointment and can really start enjoying what I already have.

I also agree that life is so much more rich when it is lived with and for others. I will always strive to do more and be more, but I want that to include my role in the lives of the ones I love. As of late, I have already begun that journey by being more positive and holding onto positive people, reaching for my dreams while spending more time with people who make me happy and doing things that make me happy. Through this I am trying to spread the positive light that I have and make a difference in at least some small way. There are still some things that I need to fix, but I will worry less about them from now on while I am enjoying the good things.


I will leave you with lyrics to a song by Stacie Orrico that have always rung true for me.

(There's Gotta Be) More to Life

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

[repeat chorus]

I'm wanting more
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

This is about as real as it gets.

I could blow you away with all of the Lindsay that I'm packin', but most people will never have the privilege...the amount of people in this world that truly know me is slim to nothing annnnnddddd I like it that way. I have an incredibly intense personality, but usually it comes out in incredibly expressive ways or to some, what seems to be incredibly indifferent ways. Expressive means I love your face to shit or perhaps that you're sorry you ever lit my fuse 'cause I burned your ass...indifferent usually translates into I'm a stuck up bitch because I don't throw myself at you to be friends. Well, sorry to break it to ya, I love with all my heart and I disregard just the same. Don't get me wrong, I have the gift of going into everything I do with 100%. I love harmony and want nothing more, but if you don't reciprocate it then well, let me just say you'll know if I'm gonna ride for ya or leave your ass to fend for yourself. My favorites in this world know who they are because they have also made me their favorite and I ain't gonna lie, I play for my favorites. If you have to sit there and be like, " I think I am..." Nope, try harder. You know I did and then eventually it probably seemed like I didn't and that ain't my fault...I expect a lot when it comes to my favorites and most people don't make the cut, it ain't hard, it's called making an effort. I'm sorry my expectations are high. Wait. Strike that, reverse it. I am not sorry. I'm pretty sure that there is nothing in this world that ever said it was a good idea to lower your expectations...usually the suggestion is to raise the bar. I like hurdles and I will jump them when it's worth it...I can only hope that I am a hurdle to anyone in this world worth jumping. I always say, take me or leave me, understand me or don't. I have a lot of shit built up in here and sometimes it affects who I let in my life so keep in mind, "you may know my name, but not my story." There are chapters in my life some people will never understand...NEVER. I will never explain them to you, and you will never understand me for them, but they are there, they have shaped me into what you see before you so again,  love this or leave this...I will embrace or brush it off either way. I hope you choose to love me though because I am a force to be reckoned with and can be a wonderful addition to your team. If I am in your life it is with an incredible passion. I know what lack of passion looks like...it's a waste of life force. I don't waste any of my force so please absorb it like a God damn sponge if I am spilling it your way. My spillage only lasts for so long and when it's not being returned you'll be wishing you hadn't wasted it when you had the chance. NO ONE should waste ANYTHING when they have the chance. So just don't do it ummmmkkkk?!?!? I've had too many people in my life who should have been there for me who weren't. You ever wanna know, just ask. I promise to always give you my best, but don't expect me to owe anyone anything for less than the best in return. I really am better at writing what I feel...if you don't like what I write, then you will never appreciate me. This is about as real as it gets right here.

I Can't Fix You

Trying to get to bed yesterday in the wee hours of the morning, one of the random moments of sadness I sometimes have about my dad snuck up. Not sure where it came from. I think it happened subconsciously in that moment when you're just drifting to sleep when things start to get weird and you either fall further into sleep and keep dreaming it or it jolts you awake...well, I woke back up and for a small second was reminded that I don't have any clue where my father is. Anyone close enough to me knows that I do not have an ideal relationship with either of my parents, but the one with my father is virtually non-existent. I don't say this to bash him or air his dirty laundry so to speak, I say this because it is 100% true, 100% sad and obviously has an impact on my life. For those of you with wonderful fathers who are in your life, helped raise you and were there for you, do me a favor. Cherish every bit of it because you are very blessed. I am glad for you that you can look at your father and say things like how there for you he was or that you looked up to him, that he taught you so much and showed you so much love. I do not believe I was unloved by him, but I do believe I was not a priority and most likely never will be. My father has always been a mess. I didn't really realize it until I got older because my family tried to hide it from me, but I am fully aware of his mess now. My parents were never married and I have never lived with my father. He used to just come and pick me up here and there to stay over and it always seemed great to me because my dad was always more like a fun friend than a parent. I realize now that, that was immaturity and deep rooted issues that he still hasn't overcome. Through the years he gradually got worse and people stopped trying to hide the mess that is him, and he no longer has anyone to clean up his messes. He seemed like a perfectly functional adult when I was young, but then I realized that he never had money enough for himself and relied on family and friends to cover for him and take him in the majority of the time. He never paid child support for me either. In more recent years, he has gotten about as low as he can get. He has no home, no money...no anything. At this point, I have not spoken to him since August when I got home from getting married in Vegas. He was not there, he did not walk me down the aisle. He really didn't seem all that enthused about it at all even though he has met Travis and likes him. He has the maturity of a teenager to put it plainly and his ability to see past his own selfishness and be a father is practically non-existent. I am the parent when I do hear from him, but most of the time I have no idea where he is or how to reach him. He calls when he feels like it and I tend to assume that no news is good news, that he's not in jail or at a homeless shelter or in some other drama. So yeah, I currently have no clue where he is and usually I don't think about him really as sad as that sounds. His life is such a mess to the point that I don't think he will ever recover...this is the most sad thing of all. As much as I would love to have the "world's greatest dad," I wish that even if I am never to have a relationship with him that he could at least someday come to know what having a real life is. And to know any kind of peace. To not be on drugs, drinking, homeless, squatting at someone's place, being booted and then re-embraced by family. To know what having a real everyday job is like, paying bills, interacting with family...the stuff we find so mundane. I can't imagine how much pain and destruction in his life he has seen and sometimes I feel so sad and sorry for him and just wish I could fix it...but then I realize it's not my job to and nor do I owe it to him with the damage his absence has done me. I realize that although the cards he has been dealt suck, he needs to punch that dealer in the throat and take the damn deck and deal himself the right hand. It's his life and he needs to fix it and if he were willing to do this I would be right there helping him, but that is where the immaturity steps in. He doesn't see life this way. He is a victim and he has been wronged and the world owes him something. He does not understand that the world is not fair, it does suck and it's going to screw you over and you will feel momentarily helpless. You can't control everything and you can't even always change it, but you can change what you do about it. He rebels, he doesn't rise above it. So dad, I'm sorry, I cannot fix you I can only wish for you to fix yourself. Until then it is what it is...you'll call every 3-4 months from a number I don't know so I won't answer because I won't know it's you. You'll leave messages saying that I never answer my phone like it's my job to when you call. When we do speak it'll be about you, no inquiries into how your daughter is doing and you'll just complain about the shit you've dealt with recently and ask me how you can fix it with my court and police "expertise." We'll hang up and you'll go back to doing you and I'll back to doing me until next time comes around. No, I cannot fix you...not with the strongest tape or the strongest glue. Only you can fix you and I can only hope that someday you choose to.

You're Only as Good as the Company You Keep

Only recently have I come to know how truly important your choice of friends/cohorts/partners in crime, whatever you call them, really is. It's amazing what a difference it makes to surround yourself with people who genuinely lift you up and are there for you, who empower you and are happy to see you happy. It's hard sometimes to see that "misery loves company," but it seems that people who are in misery flock together and the same can be said for those who aren't. I have to say that the last couple months have been a complete eye opener for me. I wouldn't say that I was necessarily in misery or depressed, but I can say that I was in an overall state of frustration about a lot of things in my life. I felt very much in a rut and that things just weren't going my way and I wasn't shy about sharing my feelings about it. And then the new year came along and although I do not do new year's resolutions, the timing was coincidentally perfect for me to take a new lease on life. I really took a look at myself and all of the things I was complaining about and made it my mission to not feel that way about life anymore, I mean it's only my LIFE we're talking about here right?!? So I made a conscious decision to cut all of the negativity from my life and to change anything I had complaints about. This whole time, the power to make those negative and stressful parts of my life less so was completely in my control to change and I spent how many years wasting time just bitching about it?!?! So with my new attitude and positive outlook I have made it a point to surround myself with people who are thinking the way I now do, who live their lives positively, inspire and lift others up. I have been overwhelmed with the abundance of people who actually are like this and how amazing it makes you feel!! It makes you want to be amazing and inspiring, supportive and uplifting!!! And I am!! Along with this though I have noticed some people fading more into the background...I am not saying this as in, "we are no longer friends" or "they're negative" or "I can't hang out with them anymore," but I did notice a difference. My only guess is that the idea of misery loving company is true...maybe now that I'm not complaining too, it's annoying to talk to me, I know I often get annoyed by obnoxiously happy people, but there is nothing obnoxious about it, it's simply honest. I would hope that anyone who has noticed any change in me whatsoever would be close enough to me to want to be right there with me. It sounds cliche and easier said than done, I know. But literally once I had it in my head that I was gonna do it, I did it and it was ridiculously simple. If nothing else, I want anyone who is caught in a constant state of complaining to find their way to this change too and I am all for helping them get there. I don't want people to fade because we don't complain together anymore, I want us all to be there for each other and lift each other up GENUINELY!!! No back-handed comments and no secret resentments. Just friends having fun and being happy for the things going on each other's lives. I used to be no stranger to down-playing someone's happiness because truthfully, sometimes it makes you feel "smaller" and wanting more to hear that someone got something you didn't. But then I came to the realization that there is no reason not to be happy for others...AT ALL!!! Have you ever thought about the times you may have deliberately ignored someone else's good news because you were in some way "jealous" of their success?!?! Think about what they got though...did you really want it?!? I don't know about you, but there has been many a time I have heard good news and it is definitely something I am happy for someone else for and glad it's their news and not mine!!! And whether it's something you also wanted or not, still be happy and make it happen for yourself, there is nothing to say that you and someone else both can't have the same happy moments. All I can say is that I am in love with being positive and in love with the high it gives me. Being this way and being with people who share the same energy has opened so many doors for me and it has made my quality of life so much better. I love all of the people in my life, and realize that not everyone is on my same path...doesn't mean you're against me, it simply means that I will strive to do what I can to be a positive person in your life and our relationship will proceed accordingly. You can count on me to be genuine, to lift you up, to be positive and to be supportive. I may not be a complete expert on the whole living positively thing just yet, but I can guarantee that what I do know is enough to rock your world even in the slightest little bit!!! I will do all that I can to share this and all of my fellow empowering friends with you!!!

Just for Fun

Just for the fun 'cause I enjoy this kind of crap ;)

Keep in mind that I don't follow astrology and do not live my life by this said crap, I just find it interesting how accurate this stuff can be sometimes. And for the record, this is not the first time I have taken the color quiz and my results are different because of what was appealing to me at the time I took it...just for the fun!!!

Color Quiz

http://colorquiz.com/

Your Existing Situation Feeling dissatisfied in her current situation and has a strong desire to escape or find an immediate solution. Your Stress Sources "Needs to meet people who have the same high principals and values as himself, but finds the need unfulfilled. her need to feel dominate and superior leaves her feeling isolated and does not allow for her to give freely of himself. she would like to surrender and let go, but sees that as a weakness she must not give in to. Holding back will allow her to stand out for the crowd and earn a higher status, recognized by others as unique and important." Your Restrained Characteristics Feels unhappy and isolated because she is unable to succeed in finding the cooperation and understanding she desires. "Feels she is not receiving her fair share and is unable to rely on anyone for support or sympathy. she keeps her emotions bottled up, leaving her quick to take offense to small things. she tries to make the best of her situation." "Seeking to broaden her horizons and believes her hopes and dreams are realistic. Worries she may not be able to do the things she wants and needs to escape to a peaceful, quiet environment in order to restore her confidence." "Seeking to broaden her horizons and believes her hopes and dreams are realistic. Worries she may not be able to do the things she wants and needs to escape to a peaceful, quiet environment in order to restore her confidence." "Feels she is not receiving her fair share and is unable to rely on anyone for support or sympathy. she keeps her emotions bottled up, leaving her quick to take offense to small things. she tries to make the best of her situation." Your Desired Objective Feels as if her hopes and dreams have been unfairly stomped on by others. Irritated and upset with her current situation which she feels is an insult to her true desires. Your Actual Problem His desire to be respected and to stand out from the crowd is not being satisfied and therefore she is feeling anxious. her normal friendly self is being held back and she refuses to become involved or participate with others in normal day to day activities.

Your First Name of: Lindsay

http://www.kabalarians.com/

---

Below is a brief analysis of the first name only.



Your first name of Lindsay has made you a friendly, approachable, and generous person.
 

• Generally you are good-natured, though at times you can be blunt and sarcastic.
   
• As you are naturally talkative, you find it easy to meet and make friends with many people.
   
• This name inclines you to be sympathetic and generous to those in difficult or unfortunate circumstances.
   
• You can be firm, positive, and independent in your own ideas and in reaching your own decisions, yet when it comes to taking action or following things through to completion, you often need encouragement.
   
• You respond quickly to kind words or any appreciation shown you.
   
• There are artistic, creative abilities in this name that you could express through music or singing, or, in a practical way, through sewing or interior decorating

• Although the name Lindsay creates the urge to be creative and original, we point out that is causes frustration through a scattered and emotional nature.

Chinese Zodiac: The Ox

http://www.astrology.com/chinese-astrology?other_date=05%2F09%2F1985

The Ox of Chinese Astrology is no bull in a china shop. Steadfast and solid, this powerful Sign is a born leader, being quite dependable and possessing an innate ability to achieve great things. Oxen tend to be plodding and methodical; they approach projects in the step-by-step manner that serves them best, and they never lose sight of their goal. They are tireless workers who are detail-oriented and believe in doing things right the first time. The world may perceive Oxen as being far too serious or incapable of loosening up. This sturdy sort is less than social by nature and tends to become introverted in a crowd. To make things worse, they can't be bothered with what other people think and prefer to do what makes them feel best. Behind that calm facade, though, lives an Ox who can feel hurt, lonely and unable to connect with others. Friends and family are a great source of comfort to this beast, even if they don't always understand what makes the Ox tick. As a lover, friend, family member or housemate, the Ox makes a wonderfully strong, tender and affectionate companion who is protective and always reliable. Out in the world, though, Oxen tend to be stubborn, dogmatic, my-way-or-the-highway kind of people who have no concept of when to back down. Oxen don't care to be pushed, especially since they think they're the good guys of the Chinese Zodiac. There is some truth to that theory, since the Ox is smart, trustworthy, caring and honorable. If you need honest, steady and unbiased advice, call on the Ox. A good lesson for mighty Oxen is to strive to overcome a judgmental nature that keeps them from getting close to others. If they can learn to value their own good qualities, they'll have more room in their hearts to invite others in.

STOP MAKING THIS MISTAKE PEOPLE!!!!!



As I sit here thinking about the news I heard today of two 12 year olds committing suicide in the last couple weeks, it makes my heart hurt. What's worse is they were friends of my 12 year old niece who is having a seriously hard time coping with it. No 12 year old should have to experience that and no 12 year old should be taking their own life. No one should take their own life, but I guess when you feel like no one loves you and you were picked on and you had no one in your corner, suicide might seem like the only way to relieve the pain. ::Shakes my head:: This is why it is each and every person's duty to do all that you can to make sure the people in your life never feel this way by you...you must do your utmost to make sure that the people you love, know you love them without a doubt. And when you think they're the "bees knees" flippin' tell them!!! They deserve to know. So for those of you who may not know about my tattoo or have read my very first blog about Neverland, this all ties into the meaning behind it. I have a tattoo of 2 stars. They are the second star to the right from Peter Pan, which is how you find your way to Neverland. Not that I think anyone reading this is not familiar with Peter Pan, but to refresh your memory, Neverland is a place where children never have to grow up and most days I absolutely wish this were true. Today included. I wish for a world where children never have to grow and see all of the pain this world sometimes has to offer. Not that all children are exempt from pain, some of them know nothing else, but I wish that we all could have the innocence of children and live in a world where we don't have to face all of the evil things that you come to realize as adults. Living in pain to the point of taking your life is one of them. I have always been fascinated by suicide. Now hold up, before you think I enjoy it or that I am completely morbid, let me explain why. I personally cannot fathom what someone's mindset and feelings could be to get to the point of taking your own life. I've had hard times, but no despair so strong that I would ever think about ending my life. I think life is a horrible thing to waste and that no life should be taken unnecessarily. I also tend to feel a great deal of anger surrounding suicide because usually there are so many factors that contibuted to it, but none so terrible a factor as a fellow human being. To hear that someone was bullied or that people were so cruel as to refuse to befriend them is unbelievable to me and more often than not this is a main reason for suicide. I know not every person in this world will be your cup of tea, but for God's sake there is no reason to shit on people...EVER. NO ONE should ever bully and no one should ever be completely friendless. It really makes me wonder what kind of parents child bullies have or how oblivious parents and teachers must be to see none of this. Or how oblivious we all must be to see someone suffering like this and to not extend a hand in friendship. Like anyone could ever say "Me? Take on a new friend? No thanks, I have enough." I mean I know you can't see and know everything, but I personally find it obvious when two people don't get along or when someone is uncomfortable in someone's presence. You notice the lack of interaction between them or the tension. There just needs to be more attention paid. I had a teacher worry about me in kindergarten beacuse I wasn't interacting with other students. In my case it was just that I was an only child and was used to going out and doing things on my own, but at least she was paying attention. I think parents need to volunteer in their children's class rooms and I think teachers need to do more to bring kids together. I think people need to be asked more often how they are doing and for people to really listen to the answer. I am no child psychologist or anything, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know kids in the elementary school age are at an EXTREMELY impressionable age. They mimic, they imitate and they feed off of everything. Don't you think it'd be a good time to teach them to stop bullying or to simply never start before their brains start to close the incoming feed and run off of the information we already gave them?!? In some cases they may have received great info and they can run with that and be amazing human beings, but this world has no vacancy for more bullies...there is way too much supply of them for a NON-EXISTENT DEMAND. I think there should be "getting to know you" programs. I think there should be ways for kids to learn cool things about each other and see what they have in common rather than how they are different. And that any differences there may be should be shown in a positive way. Like, some bully kid doesn't like some other kid because they think they are different from them and then they find out that they have the same favorite color, and the same favorite movies and they both like dogs...all of a sudden the other person doesn't seem so different. Of if there is a difference then find a creative way to emphasize how that contirbutes to them being a cool person. I know seems too simple or maybe it seems too diffcult since we're not already doing it, but I think it'd work in at least more cases than none. It'd be worth a try. The point is, squash all inclination toward hate when they're young enough to lose such prejudices and reinforce love and acceptance. Never wait to tell someone they're wonderful or they did a great job or that you love them. There's no reason to wait. NONE. Sometimes it's the little things that can make or break and sometimes those little things mean a TON to someone. Never make the mistake of not telling someone how much they are loved and appreciated and never be afraid that you might sound "ridiculous" if you do. I'd rather a kind word roll off someone unappreciative than a horrible comment or lack of attention all together stab someone in the heart. Campaign for Kindness people, Campaign for Kindness. Word.

This is why I do what I do

Would you like to hear a 100 percent truth?!? There is far too little paying anything forward in this world. Far too often these days people are so focused on themselves and the "us vs them or ME vs them" mentality that we often forget that you get much further in this life together than we do alone...never forget that. WE GET MUCH FURTHER IN THIS LIFE TOGETHER THAN WE DO ALONE. Humans are social creatures. We don't do very well alone. We thrive off human interaction. So the next time you think it's a good idea to try and go it alone, it's not. We need each other plain and simple and although we may not need each and every person in this world in our personal lives, we all need a major lesson in treating the people who mean most to us with the utmost respect. I truly began to learn this lesson starting with my grandpa's death about a year and a half ago and I really learned what it is to miss someone. My grandpa used to live 5 minutes from me, 5 MINUTES, and I only saw him a couple times a year. When he passed away in 2010 I felt a loss that was so great that I learned that day what true loss was...a complete and total regret that I should have spent so much more time with someone who was truly amazing in so many ways and I didn't soak all that he was up nearly enough. I vowed from that day on...NEVER AGAIN. People are on this earth to make this world better...people, we're fucking it up!!! I was just as guilty as the next person of having a far too individualistic outlook on life, "the pursuit of individual rather than common or collective interests; egoism." It's all about me and I will step on you to get where I need to be. You and I are in competition and if you're in my way I will trample you. I have said it before and I am saying it again...we are looking at this all the wrong way. We should be utilizing the talents and benefits another person has, not shitting on it. I mean this is almost unfathomable to me, but COULD YOU fathom a world where all the brilliance worked together instead of alone!!! We could be a flippin' amazing human race!!! But noooooo!!! We see something amazing in someone else and we vow to crush it and do better or we envy their accomplishment...WRONG!!! Wrong and wrong again...what if we looked at these people and said, "this is an ally" or "wow, I'd love for them to teach me to be the same way," we could all do so much more. If we all just loved each other and appreciated each other more WOW what we could do and be!!! I am someone who knows the power that can be generated from an extension of warmth from someone else...it can make your day, it can put you on top of the world, it can inspire you, it can start a CHAIN REACTION. There is so much power in spreading love rather than living life in competition and putting each other down. It may sound silly, but think of the Disney movie Monster's Inc. The whole movie is spent focusing on making a "profit" off of the energy of fear. Once it is realized that joy and laughter creates much more energy than fear, EVERYONE is happy. I think that movie was genius, bravo Disney, bravo. This is how we need to think. There is so much more love when you spread love, happiness, laughter...THIS IS WHY I DO WHAT I DO. I know some people have a hard time grasping my "campaign for kindness." Well, it ain't hard, grasp it and just do it. Be thankful for the people you have in your life when you have them. Period. As previously mentioned, I understand loss and regret for not having taken advantage of the people in my life from day one and if you haven't felt what I am talking about, you are a fortunate soul and you best make sure you never have to. It hurts and almost 2 years later I can't think about it without bursting into tears. The point is that you don't have to learn the hard way, you can love people now and not have to "not know what you have til it's gone." That's stupid, DON'T DO IT!!! Make a difference and make the most now. This is why I am telling people on Facebook/in person/via text/via letter how I feel about them. It doesn't matter how you tell someone, but flipplin' TELL THEM!!! The love you feel by telling someone something positive, something heartfelt, something genuine, and then seeing how deeply it affects them is literally FULL CIRCLE. It starts with you, hits the person it's directed at halfway, inspires someone else who sees it, and then comes back around and hits you in the face with warmth. People love to be told they are loved, so tell them. You know you want to be told and you know how much you love being told, but it is no myth that you can love being the one who gets to start the chain and spread the warmth too. So don't be shy!!! To help you out, here are some of the responses from me telling people how much I love and appreciate them and especially their role in my life: 

Most recent:

On 2/2/12

From my friend Tiffany:

Aww!! That was sooooo sweet and made me tear up! I love you linds and you hold such a special place in my heart too for the same reasons! Mostly because we have the same feisty attitude but more importantly we put all of ourselves into everything we do! What I love most about you is how fearless you are and you are the most loyal and trustworthy person I know! I love you to pieces and I miss you dearly!! :) ♥

On 1/27/12

The response from my friend Courtney to my campaign for kindness: 

"OMG you just made me cry...I so needed that thanks Linds! That means so much to me!!! I miss all our fun times we def had so much fun momma bear you so so so made my night babe."

FROM Karla:

Thanks Linds!!!! I miss the heck out of you and our many courthouse laughs. I'm looking forward to seeing you this Tuesday."

On 1/12/12

From my mother in law:

AH! Aren't you sweet. Thank you! I'm very glad that I've made you feel so special because you are incredibly special to me. Not only for the love you have for Travis but for also being a wonderful friend and daughter to me and loving aunt to Kendra. I treasure our chats and all the Hoiday time you've shared with us both. I love you!!!

On 12/26/11

From my friend Megan:

WOW!! You made my New Year. You too are so sweet. Not many people in this world are able to leave the BS aside and notice others trueness and gifts. Far to many people are busy harping on what one didnt or did do .. like a tit for tat match. Thank you for noticing my love and compassion for others. I would love nothing more than to be there for you and travis when you decide the time is right for kids. Hugs to you .. YOU ARE A BLESSING!

From my cousin-in-law Heidi:

Aww thanks Lindsay! You make me feel so welcome in the family. I really wish or schedules weren't so opposite so we could actually hang out

on 12/18/11

From my friend Jenny:

Lindsay! you made me tear up! thank you so much! Im so happy that you are in my life! you are one of favorite friends too! i want you to know that you are that great of a friend, you put all of your heart in and you truly care about the people in your life and do everything to make them happy. you are awesome and i love you too!

On 12/12/11

From my friend Danielle:

You just made my whole year. I love you bunches chick and I'm glad to have found another "girlfriend" that gets me!

On 12/10/11

From my friend Kaitlyn:

Lindsay, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear/see you say this. I had to reread it because it made me cry the first three times I read it! Its so nice to know that the things I do dont go unnoticed by others, even when I sometimes feel on the edge of my breaking point. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart! And I can't even begging to express how greatful I am to have you in my life! ♥ you lady, your truly one of a kind!!!

It's 100 percent worth it, so pay something, anything forward. Find a way you want to spread the warmth and go for it!!!